Randomness at its best!!

Touch me!

2009-09-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

I’m in favor of PDA. Totally and completely. Not the intense kind that would best be recorded and filmed for “pleasure viewing”. I like the subtle kinds…

I would love it if my guy would hug me (instead of giving me a lame handshake) before I got into the train. I would want him to gimme kiss me goodbye at the airport if I were going away for a month to Venezuela. His arm around my waist or mine around his as we walk down the road to a restaurant for dinner…my arm through his while we are shopping for his T-shirt…his fingers finding mine, a peck on the cheek…I live for such stuff!

Sex has nothing to do with it. A touch doesn’t have to be sexual…sensual perhaps. Having his arm around my shoulder makes me feel good. Secure. Cared for. Not like I’m expecting to get abducted from a mall, but what the heck, he’s my guy and I want to be physically close to him! What is the point of having a boyfriend if I can’t hold his arm in public?

Pranay's tag!

2009-07-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

I feel like a stranger on my own blog!! Been ages since I posted something..I vow to not do that again though...

Ok so as the title of the post goes, this is a tag that I did coz Pranay tagged me. What was I required to do? In his own words...

"Write a Poem/Prose with the first letters of consecutive words being the consecutive letters in the alphabet.You can go upto as many letters as you can...Try to get to 26!!"

Here's the final product. Not half as good as what he wrote, but well this is it:-)

A Big Corny Dazed Elephant
Fires Guns Hanging Inside Jeeps
Kills Lions, Monkeys Nicely
Opens Packets Queerly
Relishes Some Taffy
Under Vines Weeps
Xylophone Yells ZZZZZZZZ!

SHE always knows..PART 2

2009-05-13T05:36:00.000-07:00

N didn’t want P to get mixed up with that shallow, two-faced conniving piece of shit. But of course he didn’t think she was any of these. He failed to see through her farce- all he could see was a bubbly, fun-loving, spirited girl. The idea that her man was friends with a super-fake person pained N. She was sure M had romantic/sexual feelings for P, but he was oblivious to this fact. When she did finally mention what she felt, he strongly denied that something of this sort was plausible. “She’s just your average girl” is what he said.

They had already had several arguments over this issue with no conclusions. Both of them would merely shout at each other for a while, sit in different rooms, and finally one of them would break the ice and they would end up having great make-up sex. After a few days the issue would come up again and the process repeated. A vicious circle with no beginning and definitely no end. N had no clue how she could possibly get out of this predicament.

Now N is sitting all by herself, thinking of the best way to finish off M and make it look like an accident, when P appears in front of her. He wraps his arms around her slender legs and looks into her eyes. She looks away, not knowing how to react to that sudden act of love and affection.

P: (Tenderly) She won’t stay with us. Don’t worry. I’ll think of something.

He kisses her forehead lightly.

4 years later..

N looks stunning in a red ghagra choli and resplendent jewelry- it’s her wedding day! The glow on her face is matched only by that on P’s visage. They look lovely together, basking in each other’s happiness; perfect. People keep coming up to them to congratulate them or just to chat up.

A DJ churns out the very best of Bollywood and Punjabi music as kids and youngsters have fun exhibiting their dancing talents (or a lack of them) on the huge dance floor. Chaat- from Golgappe to Bhelpuri, Chinese cuisine- from Koi Thio to Chopsuey, Indian delicacies- from Paneer Tikka to Butter Chicken…all spread out in the banquet hall, smelling as bit as divine as they looked. It was as if nothing could go wrong today. Then M stepped into the hall with a bouquet of orchids.

Their reactions were diametrically opposite. Her smile faltered, while his became, if possible, even stronger.

N: You invited her????
P: Of course I did. And told you too. Forgot? Ok ok look happy now. She’s right
here.

M hugs N and almost hugs P but stops when she gets a malevolent look from N.

M: Wow N you look gorgeous! Great to have met you at last…and that too on such a special day!

N gives M a simpering smile.

M: By the way P, you’re looking quite hot too!
P: (sheepishly) Thanks. And it’s really great that you made it.
M: (laughs loudly) Don’t be so formal. You literally begged me on your knees to come…how could I say no? Anyway, congratulations guys!
P: Thanks thanks.
M: I need to be at another party, so I’ll be off. Just came to see you two for a bit.
P: That’s not fair. You just got here.
N: (icily): It’s ok if she has to go. We completely understand.
M: Sorry guys, but I really really have to go. Can’t help it. Got this for you.

M gives the bouquet to N, kisses her on both cheeks, says goodbye and leaves. The minute M steps out of the hall N checks the card on the bouquet. To it was attached a piece of paper which said:

N I’m sorry. Sorry for everything. I know I’m a bitch, but then all’s fair in love inne? Accept my apologies. It’ll make me feel a little better. Trust me, I’m out of your life, and your husband’s…for good.

N passed the note to P. He read it looking utterly perplexed. With great difficulty he looked into her eyes, and though she felt maddeningly superior to him at that moment she just said: I KNEW IT.

Moral of the story: A woman’s instinct is usually never wrong. She might not be able to explain how or why, but at the end of it all, she is proved right.

SHE always knows..

2009-04-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

This is a story about three people:

Smart, independent gal- Naina (N)
Her boyfriend, the introvert- Parth (P)
And the vamp- Manjan (M)

“Manjan calling”, displays N’s phone’s screen. She doesn’t answer. She’s got better things to do than speak to some twisted little toe rag. P looks questioningly at her.

N: I don’t wanna talk to her. Don’t bother.

In a matter of seconds M calls P. N expected that but said nothing. P answered (obviously).

P: Hey babe ‘sup?
M: Nothing much. I’m in town so thought we’ll meet up. How come your woman didn’t answer my call?
P: Errrrrr. She’s out. Maybe she didn’t realize it was ringing…

N was half wishing that P would tell that pseudo feminist how much she loathed her. Fat chance of that happening though!

M: Lovely! Come down to Ambience. Movie, coffee and me…what say?

P hesitates. He wants to meet M, but knows N won’t come along. And if he left her at home to meet M, woe betide him!

P: Ummm ummmm…no babe, I have to meet a friend somewhere.
M: O come on. Don’t give me this bullshit. Tell that friend you’re sick. Who’s more important, that friend or me huh?
P: (nervous laugh) No really I can’t make it. Next time maybe?
M: You’re breaking my heart buddy…but OK. Next time it is. I’m gonna be in Delhi on the 8th and 9th of next month to attend a conference. How about if I camp at your place? The three of us can totally hang out then…
P: Yeah sure. Great idea!
M: Okie. See you then. Ciao.
P: Yeah. Take care. Bye.

P looks up to see N looking mutinous. His phone’s speaker was so loud that she had heard every word spoken by the vermin on the other side.

N: How exciting! Maybe I should crash at my friend’s place for a few days so you two can have some fun?
P: She invited herself. You heard that.
N: I didn’t hear you say no! Great idea is what you said.
P: How could I say no just then? And what should I have said? “Sorry M, but my girlfriend can’t bear to be within a 2 Km radius of you, so fuck it?”
N: That would have been the truth, but I’m sure you could have thought of some excuse. We both know how good you are at lying.
P: Fuck you. Just stop pissing me off ok. I don’t wanna get into this fuckall discussion all over again alright. YOU have a problem, YOU deal with it ok.
N: Yeah. It’s my problem. It’s my problem that you lie to me when you wanna meet that whore. It’s my problem that you guys are on the phone all the time. It’s my problem that she makes plans to see you whenever I’m not around. It’s my problem that I hate that filthy maggot.

N storms out of the room, banging the door shut behind her. She is fuming mad. If P looked closely, he would have seen smoke coming out of her nostrils. She was ready to breathe fire at him, or anything else for that matter.

This thing was really getting out of hand. She wasn’t just jealous or insecure. This was worse. She trusted P; knew he wouldn’t cheat on her, not for that fat bitch in any case. But she didn’t trust that spineless rat one bit. M was over-smart, manipulative and above all- a SLUT. She made friends with N and through her met P. Ironically N and M had never met. They were chat friends.

Over a period of time N told M about her boyfriend. Though N thought it was a little odd for M to take so much interest in him, she didn’t think too much about it, and finally M befriended him online. That’s when things changed.

M and P exchanged phone numbers in no time (who asked for whose number first N had no clue, but she wanted to believe that it was M). Whenever they were online they would chat for sure- either would ping the other. In fact, M had stopped pinging N altogether! And even the times she called were out of formality or need.

Once when P was out of town, M messaged N, saying she was coming to Delhi for a spot of shopping, and wanted her to come along. It was obvious that M just needed company, not specifically N's, so she said no. Now M went ahead and sms'ed P that N was refusing to go out with her, and wanted him to convince his girl.

N was stumped when P called and asked her to meet M! Maybe, just maybe, he said, she had judged M too soon, and should give her another chance. Plus, he said, she kept avoiding her way too often, and it was not a nice thing to do. N was stuck. She didn't want to go one bit, but she didn't want to refuse P either; she said yes to M.

N cancelled her other plans as she had to go out with M. But all of a sudden M calls and tells her she’s gonna go with another friend. How rude was that! N was pissed off. But she didn’t wanna ruin her mood for that wretched woman, so she went out with her friends and had a lovely evening. Imagine her surprise, when at half past 11 that night M calls to say that her friend ditched her and now she wants to go shopping with N! N wanted to wring that nasty broad’s neck with her hands, but keeping her cool she just chastised M for calling so late and assuming N won’t have any other plans.

To top it all, when she told P of how M insulted her, and was taking her for granted, he just laughed off the whole thing. Why, she couldn’t understand, was P being such a fool? Couldn’t he see what was going on? Every time N said something against M he would defend her. On the other hand, this incident had offended N so much, but he was still taking her side, saying that she has lotsa friends, so it aint a big deal!

TO BE CONTD..

The F of FRAN

2009-02-25T06:14:00.000-08:00

Can you ever tell if a bride is going to cry at her wedding, especially if she’s going away to a different country? That would be pretty natural isn’t it? So when Fiddi didn’t cry I was rather surprised. I was expecting a river to say the least, but there wasn’t a single drop! Not even moist eyes man! Is that merely ’cause she still had a month before she actually left for the US? Or ’cause she was (is) so much in love with her guy and she couldn’t wait to be with him? Beats me!

Not like she didn’t shed a single tear. She did. Not on the D-day, but a few days before it…We were all generally gassing around, when her younger brother (Fasahad) came in and announced that he had written a poem for her and wanted to read it. We all got excited and sat down to listen to him recite. With trembling hands he held the sheet of paper and started reading the poem…it was about what an adorable sis she has been, and how much he’s going to miss having her around…it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. He was on the verge of tears and I could feel myself welling up too. And that’s when Fiddi rubbed her eyes and stepped out of the room…If she hadn’t cried then, I’m sure I would have slapped and made her!

I’m sure I’ll cry my heart out when I get married. I crumble every time I have to say goodbye to my parents and come to Bangalore, which happens every other month. If I can’t handle letting go now, how will I do it when I know am not gonna see them that often? What I can also never understand is why people get married. A live-in relationship is fine, isn’t it? Is marriage just a license to have sex? A legal form of prostitution, where the guy is a pimp and the woman his whore. One small difference is that the whore doesn’t put out for anyone but him.

We were all so busy having fun that we didn’t realize that ultimately she’s gonna get married and be off to a new place! Suddenly the whole process was done and I was hugging her for the last time…it struck me then that life’s gonna be different. True, we don’t stay in the same city any more, but now I might think twice before I call her at 2 am to crib about my new haircut. I don’t know how often we’ll get to talk; even if we speak, will that be for an hour as always or just 10 minutes? Plus she’s not gonna be in Hyderabad when I go visiting. Radhi and I will hang out of course, but we’re gonna miss that nut. The hyena-laughter, the whining, the sing-song tone, the scarf-covered head, the goosebumps…

I was trying to wear my nose pin today, and was totally reminded of how I almost broke your hand while my nose was being pierced. Am sorry for that sweetie…You know you’re the reason I joined orkut, you’re the only person I can call at any time of the day to discuss any damn thing (Radhi doesn’t have patience with me), it’s because of you that I absolutely love haleem and kheema now…Endless list, so I’ll stop right here. You’re the backbone of FRAN baby. I miss you so much so much so much. Love you. Muah muah and so many hugs.

In Chink land

2008-12-03T01:26:00.000-08:00

I was going to make this post about the beauty of Gangtok-I was there for a holiday and loved it! The pictures say it all don’t they?

But this isn’t gonna be about my experience while rafting down the Teesta river, or the fact that I could see the moon at 12 pm, or the Chinese soldiers at the border (Nathu La pass) who were dying to take pictures with me *it was hilarious*. The highlight is not the ICL team’s players whom I saw at the airport, or watching the sun set at 5 pm every day, or even a pollution-free Gangtok devoid of traffic jams. My post is about car drivers…

About 30 odd cars (Innova and Tavera) and their drivers were at our service for 6 days, and we made complete use of them. Most of our day was usually spent in travelling to far off places on twisted roads with hair-pin bends. Hats off to the drivers for being so wonderful. Plus, they were really friendly and gave us a lot of information about the place. And every time I requested, they played latest Hindi/Punjabi songs on the stereo at a really high volume!

But little did I know that they were being treated like filth. On the last day my car’s driver was telling me what he and the others had to endure during the 6 days there-HELL. They were promised rooms to stay in, but didn’t get any. In that cold weather they used to sleep in their respective cars. There was 1 bathroom for them, but no water in there; they hadn’t showered for SIX whole days! Plus, they weren’t even given any food, even though they were told that food would be provided. They were left to fend for themselves. And the one time they were given, it was the previous day’s leftovers. No wonder they gave all the cheese sandwiches to the monkeys on the roads instead!

I can’t understand this inhuman behavior. Not even water for showers? How pathetic is that? Here I was relishing my chocolate soufflé and taking several helpings of the fried fish for dinner, while they ate badly made momos to fill their stomach.

In a Capitalist society we exploit those who we can. True. And it’s probably fair too. But this kind of disgusting treatment is beyond me. They are working bloody hard and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, not like beggars at traffic signals.

*This was written in October 2008..posted a little late

I'm the MAN!

2008-09-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

A couple of centuries ago Aditi had tagged me. I was supposed to list 10 things I would do if I had the chance to change into the opposite sex. That’s pretty simple though! I would have spiky hair and a goatee, I would ride a real sexy bike, blah blah…

So I thought I’ll change the rules a bit *sorry Aditi*…here’s a list of 10 things I wouldn’t do if I were a guy who has a full-time steady girl-friend.

I won’t leave her unsatisfied in bed. Obviously I’ll come first, but I’ll make sure that my girl is satiated too:-)

I won’t have different rules for the both of us. No hypocrisy whatsoever, whether it is about having friends of the opposite sex, abusing in public or anything else…*I know she would hate it if I asked her not to do something and I did the same just because it’s OK for a guy to do so*

I won’t discuss my sex life with my friends. At least not explicitly. I mean it’s ok to say how much sex I’m getting, but to give vivid descriptions is just gross!

I won’t make up with her just before going to bed only so I can screw her. The only reason why I’ll patch up is because she’s my baby and it would be next to impossible to sleep while we’re pissed off with each other. *see I’ll be a nice guy*

I won’t hang up on her if we’re having a heated argument on the phone. I might yell, but I won’t hang up. *mighty tough, but I’ll try for sure*

I won’t make ugly faces if she makes a mistake. If it’s big, then fine, but not for something silly. And I will definitely not torture her by reminding her of her mistake for the rest of her life.

I won’t buy her expensive gifts all the time. If she’s so materialistic then I think I’m not the one for her…

I won’t treat her like some random girl when my friends are around and like a princess when it’s just the two of us. I’ll make sure my friends know of her existence, and she knows about them too. No saying “a guy…” when I’m referring to a friend; I’ll give her names instead!

I won’t lie to her. Whether big or small, doesn’t matter, a lie is a lie. So I won’t do it.

I won’t consider my work more important than hers’. I’ll give equal importance to what she does in her life too! *Basically, I won’t be an MCP*

At the end of it all, I just wanna say it’s fantastic being a woman. I love my life and I would HATE to be a guy!! By that I don’t mean I hate guys…what would I do without them:P

Fear of...

2008-08-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

Wow! Long time no see!!
I know I was supposed to continue from where I left off, but I wrote something else in the meantime...watched a couple of horror flicks that freaked me out and gave me nightmares...and the result is this piece that you are about to read...

I’m afraid
Of the dark
Of the evil spirit
Of the faceless ghost
Of the headless monster
Of the banshee with long hair
Of the kid with colorless eyes
Of the rotting hand trying to strangle me
Of the putrid breath trying to suck my soul
Of the decaying nails trying to scratch my face
Ah! Am a scared lil gal

Mugged! (Part-1)

2008-07-08T02:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve never been away from blogging so long I guess…just that I was occupied / preoccupied with some other stuff that changed my life. I got mugged last week. Yes robbed! This is what happened…

It was some time after 7 when I started walking home from. I didn’t have to, but since I was bound to skip my workout I thought I might as well walk. As always there was a lot of traffic (what else can you expect from Bangalore), but somehow it wasn’t affecting me. I put on my earphones, and the loud blaring music from my phone completely killed the menacing sounds produced by the honking vehicles all around me. All in all I was having fun walking!

What I didn’t foresee was Murphy’s Law coming true. You know, “when something can go wrong, it will.” I was very close to my place. Less than 5 minutes away. That’s when I decided I’ll take a different route home. Why? Just like that! So I started walking down that dark deserted road around 8. It’s a narrow street, lined with houses on both sides. Kareena was crooning “Chaliya Chaliya”, as my hair flew beautifully (I think) in the wind. When suddenly I felt a violent jerk around my arm, and the next thing I know my handbag has been snatched from me by a couple of guys on a bike.

I screamed. I think I’ve never screamed with so much fear, anger, shock all rolled into one. I ran behind the bike to see the license plate. But those motherfuckers were really quick and with a flash they disappeared. I saw a guy nearby, sitting on a stationary bike. I told him my bag had been snatched and I needed to follow the” biker boys”. He just refused!!!

I was shaking all over, but there was no time to lose. I ran some more, trying to figure out where those assholes would have gone in the labyrinth of streets. I lost a lot of precious time there. A car stopped beside me, and a guy stepped out to ask what was wrong. I told him what happened, and he offered to search the streets with me. I sat in the car and he ordered his driver to start the car. As we were searching I called up the bank and cancelled my debit and credit cards. No damage done there.

The search was futile. I knew it would lead to nothing; the fuckers wouldn’t be hanging around there, smoking a joint. But giving up didn’t seem to be the right thing to do either. After a few minutes I thanked the guy and got off the car.

I had to report the theft. I knew the police station was close by, but not the exact location. So I asked a guy walking by. Are you in trouble? Yeah, I just got mugged. He asked me if I knew the local language. Nope. He offered to come along, and did too. He translated whatever I said in English to Kannada (the language spoken here). Then a fat cop wanted to see the scene of crime, and I took him there. The Good Samaritan came along as well.

Now you’re probably wondering how this incident “changed my life” as I claimed initially. True, I lost a lot of stuff, right from the super sexy handbag to my smart new wallet…stylish goggles, cosmetics…and a whole lot of other girlie stuff. True, I had to get all my credit, debit cards reissued; the toughest was the PAN card. True, I lost my house-keys and had to get the lock changed (I wrote down my address on a piece of paper and kept it in my wallet) for the last thing I wanted was to have a burglary. But all this doesn’t change a person’s life does it? That’s because losing some material goods is not the worst that happened to me…

The fearless gal who could walk out of home alone at any time is a paranoid freaked out scared chick now. I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure that no one’s trying to repeat history with me. If it can happen at 8, it can happen at 7 too! I am terrified of walking alone. I need someone to drop me home or I need an auto. And the fact that I’ve walked from office to home at 10 pm is freezing my insides now…

There’s more coming up…fucked up cops, finding some of the stuff, difference between South and North Indians…Wait for the next update!

A picture of misery

2008-06-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

My Nani (grandma) told me the following story when I was a kid. Dunno why it just remained in my heart...and then I wrote it in college for a class assignment. Not wanting to let it remain in those pages forever, I’ve published it on my blog! Read it…

An old woman is sitting on a bed. She is dressed in a white sari, brown with dirt. Her hair is a combination of black and white, and is so unkempt; it would be difficult to imagine she had ever combed it. Her eyes are sunken in their sockets and she has dark circles under them. Her face is devoid of happiness and laughter. All one can see is shriveled up skin, bathed in gloom and despair.

Her face is expressionless as she looks around her 8x8 dark windowless room. Her gaze rests on the iron trunk beside the door. She gets up with a great effort and walks towards it. Sighing softly she opens it and takes out a black and white picture of a young couple with a little child. She is holding the picture in her hand, kneeling in front of the trunk, when without warning the door of her room flies open. A little girl of about 3 walks in; she has a very cherubic face, full of life. The contrast between the two is glaringly obvious. Dressed in a pink frock with sequins she looks very adorable.

As the door opens, the woman’s attention is diverted from the picture. She hears a lot of noise coming from outside, of people laughing and talking, and loud music. The girl shuts the door and sits beside her, looking at her with love. She looks at the girl with a mixed expression of joy and trepidation. “You shouldn’t have come here Ritu. If Amar and Reena find out…” she says.

Don’t worry Dadi, mom and dad are busy partying. They won’t know. I just came to say goodnight. Oh! Goodnight then sweetheart says the old lady. Ritu kisses her grandma on the left cheek and leaves, shutting the door behind her. Sounds waft in momentarily on opening the door, and die down the minute it shuts.

For some time the woman sits in silence by her trunk, then she clutches her stomach tenderly and groans. She’s hungry; the anguish reflecting on her face. She rests her head against the wall, shuts her eyes and goes into a flashback…Amar is yelling at her. “So what if Reena scolded Ritu. She is our daughter. Why can’t you just mind your own business?” Another memory comes to mind, that of Reena reprimanding Ritu for sitting in her grandma’s lap…

With a start the woman comes back to the present world. She gets up with difficulty and opens the door. Slowly, very slowly she peers out, checking if anyone’s around. Making sure that the coast is clear she creeps out.

She goes to the kitchen and is looking around the room. It is huge, at least 5 times bigger than her room; has a high ceiling, a microwave on top of a cabinet, an OTG; the mixie rests on the kitchen counter beside the juicer. She seems disappointed and turns to go, when as if struck by a sudden thought she opens the door at the other end of the kitchen and walks out.

She is standing in the backyard, complete with several potted plants and a little pool. It would have been pitch dark, if the neighbours had not left the lights on. She takes a few steps uncertainly towards a huge pile of plates and forks. After ensuring that there is no one around, she sits down by the stack and starts eating whatever food is left in the plate hungrily.

Just as she is reaching for a plate a shadow falls on her. Startled she looks back and sees a very confused Ritu standing there. The woman is terrified. Without uttering a word, Ritu joins her grandma in eating, smiling serenely and looking at her with love.

“Ritu, where are you?” comes Amar’s voice. Before she can move her dad materializes in front of her. His eyes take in the scene and his face is filled with remorse and understanding…

Little Girl

2008-06-06T01:26:00.001-07:00

Blue water as far as the eye can see
Sparkling sand moulded into a grand castle
Waves gleaming in the golden sun
And a little boy in red shorts.

A chick in a black bikini
Slathering sunblock all over her long sexy legs
Making sure no spot remains
And a cutie drools.

A little girl picking up grains of the pristine sand
Tossing the shiny diamonds into the water
The waves washing her face
Dissolving her tears…

She is drawing the sun
Making a big smile on its face
Fighting back fresh tears
Glistening with joy.

Where is the love?

2008-05-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

Some things never change
Some people don’t want to
Things go from bad to worse
But what do you do?
Live with it!

Petty issue he says it is
You think so too
But before you know it
It snowballs into something big
And ends…

You don’t want it to end
You enjoy being miserable
You’re at peace with the sorrow
But you know it can’t last forever
It has to stop!

But what when it stops?
No joy, no fun, no happiness
Just gloom everywhere
Pain and guilt-why did it stop?
Maybe it should start again?

All this makes me wonder
Where is the love?
Only in movies, books and songs?
Or does it exist in my life?
Yes! And I love every moment of it!

Her unending Woes...

2008-05-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

She was burning. The fire seemed to engulf her frail little body. She wanted it to stop, but couldn’t do anything to stop the flame from raising its ugly head…She had never been so jealous in her entire life…

She has the sweetest boyfriend in the whole wide world. The kind others could only dream of! He isn’t the kind to get her flowers and stuff; she doesn’t crave for presents, but his little actions make her feel so loved, so wanted…like the time when he set the song “your body is a wonderland” as his caller tune for her on Valentine’s Day! Awwww.

So where’s the problem? In her stupid head I think! She expects him to be more public about their relationship, which he’s not. But then aren’t all guys the same? Any new guy she meets, whether in the real or cyber world, she tells him that she has a boyfriend. Not just so that she can ward off unnecessary stalkers, but also because she is proud of the fact that she has such a lovable guy.

He doesn’t do the same though. Only his “very good friends” know about her. People he doesn’t know much think he’s “available”. Is this merely because he doesn’t like to discuss his private life with the world, or something else? Why can’t he acknowledge her existence (read importance) in his life?

Both of them are into blogging. He writes very well, and she completely admires his style. She loves reading his comments on her page. But there are times when he comments on others’ posts and doesn’t reply to her. Obviously she gets offended and questions him. The reply she gets is very weird…lack of time!

She says, “If you were so hard pressed for time, how the fuck did you get the time to have all those long conversations with some babe on orkut? If you were so busy why did you reply to all those other people on your page? And not just your page, you were commenting all over blogville.” *Basically she is jealous because some of the comments were flirty* Plus she read some comment that referred to some other babes as his “buddies” and she wasn’t mentioned at all! Back to square one: people should know she’s his girl! God save me!!!

The truth is that the posts she was referring to (the ones where he didn’t reply to her) were pretty old. And c’mon how long could he keep replying to some silly conversation? She knew it too, but somehow she wanted to hear the same thing from him! Gosh women are so difficult!

Then comes another big villain: ORKUT! There was a time when she was very active on orkut, but not anymore. She doesn’t have the time. What pisses her off is the fact that he has the time to chat! And as if it isn’t enough that he chats while he’s in the office, he wants to chat even when he’s at home. As in not when she’s sitting with him, but you know, when she goes to pee or something. She leaves him alone for a minute, and he’s on that god damned chatting site, scrapping away to glory, or merely “checking” if he got any scraps!

He does feel insecure about her too. In fact, when they had just started dating he used to be super jealous of the guys she used to hang out with. She found that very endearing and cute! As time passed by it kinda got worse. His cribbing irritated her tremendously. But she knew he did that because he loved her so much and didn’t want to lose her. So she just let that be, and he got over his jealousy. She wishes to not be such a nagging pain the ass, but she doesn’t know what to do...Should send her to a psychiatrist I think!

She knows he’s not cheating on her. He probably never will. She knows he loves her a lot. She loves him like crazy too. She tries not to express how jealous she gets (sometimes for no reason) but she just can’t keep things to herself. She feels choked if she doesn’t spill it out to him. But in the process of “telling” him, she taunts him, and ends up hurting him. They fight often, but in no time they patch up and have amazing sex!

She loves being with him. She can tell him anything and everything without thinking twice. But at such times she feels so helpless. She hates crying ‘cause tears make her feel horribly weak and vulnerable. But that’s what she’s become now! She’s so sensitive to what he says…it doesn’t take her too long to start crying whenever they have a little squabble. She’s given up so much for him: right from cigarettes to her ego. But what does she get in return? *Voice of reason: LOVE you shithead! That’s what you’re getting from the dude*

Flip side: the guy’s version-
He is a nice guy. Good sense of humour, cute looking, intelligent, the kind that knows a lot about a lot of stuff. He never had a girlfriend before her. He likes her a great deal. No wait, he loves her with all his heart. But why should he tell the whole world about it? True, everyone around her knows she’s got a guy. And most of his real/virtual friends have no idea about it. But so what? Having a girl friend isn’t a big deal, is it?

That’s not the reason, but he’s simply not the telling kinds. He likes to keep things to himself. Why can’t she understand something as simple as that? Why does he have to declare his love for her from the top of the Eiffel Tower? Why does he have to say I LOVE YOU to her every time they speak on the phone? If actions speak louder than words, why can’t she feel his love when he holds her close and kisses her even though she has a really bad cold?

He feels lucky to have found her. She’s a real delight to be with. Not very pretty, but smart and witty (that was rhyming! LOL!). He always thought she’s not like the other girls. She seemed to be unaffected by the little things other babes would get worked up about. He thanked his stars for finding such a cool chick.

But that was only initially. Things are so different now! She’s not the cool chick any more she’s just a “typical” girl. The kind that has problems with the boyfriend’s other girl pals. The kind that gets irritated for the silliest reasons. The kind that asks for explanations. The kind that questions. The kind that cries…Where did that happy-go-lucky kid disappear? He wants the same girl back. But how? If she has problems with him chatting on Orkut, she seriously needs to get a life. If she expects him to reply to her comments on posts that he had written ages ago, she’s being very childish. She’s his baby, but she doesn’t have to behave like one right?

Whaaaaat??

2008-05-15T23:19:00.000-07:00

Puff! Pant! I put my bag under the train’s seat and collapsed. Few sips of water down my throat and I’m breathing normally after 5 minutes. That’s when I noticed his ignorable existence. Typical illad (a derogatory term for South Indians). Short, dark. Brick red cargos. Black T-shirt with some unintelligent stuff scribbled like graffiti on a wall where men pee regularly.

He was holding me tenderly, and we were swaying in time to Wonderful Tonight. He pulled me closer. So close that I could count the blackheads on his nose. His hand moved from my waist to my thigh and up my little skirt, giving me goose bumps wherever his hand brushed against my skin. And before I knew it, he lifted me up with ease and took me inside.

We were all over each other with no intentions of letting go. I could just make out the contours of his body in the light coming from the slightly open laptop. There was a mad hunger in his eyes, a hunger for me, matched only by my insatiable desire to straddle him and make him moan all night long. Our clothes lay in a pile on the floor, watching us like mute spectators, taking in the sights, the passion, the love, the sighing, the orgasmic screams…

Have you considered a career in modeling, came one of his many ridiculously stupid and pissing off questions. I was rudely jolted out of my fantastic sex-romp dream with my boyfriend. My happiness was being screwed by that pesky cricket. I mentally cursed him that he would have the most unsuccessful sex life ever. That is if he ever has one…

I’m spreading out the stark white bed-sheet on the seat, stifling a huge yawn. Please talk to me or I’ll die he whimpers. What the Fuck! Then suddenly he was on the floor, on his knees, bawling like an irritating kid, crying his heart out. There was nobody else in the compartment, so I was the only one to hear and watch the pathetic scene.

I was stumped beyond words. I stood there, feeling increasingly weird with each passing second, then stupid, and then really angry. Shut up! What’s your fucking problem? Stop crying like a wuss will you? If your life is so bloody pathetic, jump off the train…

The crying stopped just as abruptly as it had started. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, got up and walked away. I breathed a sigh of relief, finished making the rest of my bed, fluffed up the little pillow as much as possible, drew the curtains and lay down to sleep.

I woke up suddenly. I thought I was falling off a cliff. Rubbing my eyes with a shaking hand I got up and looked around. Nightmare! It was silent, save the noise from the moving train. Not a soul in sight. Not even Mr Annoying. But where was he then? Did he really jump off and die? A chill went down my spine for a fraction of a second. Fat chance! I slept again, pushing thoughts of that idiot out of my head.

Mom welcomed me with a smile that seemed to say so much…how’s my kiddo, you’ve put on weight, I like your t-shirt, you must be sleepy…I lay down on my soft bed, thinking of what I would do in the next few days. The last thing I remember is looking at the wall and smiling at the poster of an F1 car…

When I finally got up, my room was flooded with unpleasant sunlight. I was just about to yell at the maid to draw the curtains, when mom came into the room and announced that she was doing the laundry. I said “ok” and was going to roll back to sleep. “I mean give me the clothes you wore on the train NOW. Get up!” I got up grudgingly and gave her the jeans and t-shirt. As usual she asked me to check the contents of the pockets. I was sure that there would be nothing in them, but since she didn’t seem to be in the best of her moods, I complied. Obviously all the pockets were empty.

Sleepy though I was, I wanted to chew on some gum. I opened my bag to look for one. Amidst all the trash it was a little difficult to find a pack of Orbit. But I did eventually find my beautiful block of heaven. It was wrapped in a bit of paper though. I opened it.”You are a very bad girl. I’m only wanting to talk to you, and you is abusing me. I’m writing book and needing help. I’m acting like loser to see reaction. You is not being pity to me. You is rude. Not listening to me. Only chewing Orbit and is not offering to me also. When I write book, I mention I meet very bad girl on train.”

Delusional Painter

2008-05-04T23:35:00.000-07:00

I’m painting today

I dunno what

I dunno why

Can I even call it a painting?

Just because I don’t use paint, just because I don’t use a paint brush I’m not a painter?

Have I not painted pictures in your head with my words?

When I wrote about my happiness couldn’t you picturize a happy me?

When I wrote about my heartache you could see tears trickling down my cheeks, couldn’t you?

When you read of my drunken fiestas couldn’t you imagine a sloshed crasiezt stumbling around in high heels?

Am I a painter or what!

Bullshit!

2008-04-10T22:08:00.000-07:00

Here's one of the most pathetic tags of all time. Drozzy you're a sicko for tagging me...you'll pay for this buddy! *Not an empty threat*

People you've already been warned about the tag. So you had better not abuse me:D
Read on...

Describe your perfect Sunday morning?
What morning?? I get up in the afternoon on Sundays!

Favorite song of all time?
That’s a real tough one…let’s say “Two Princes” (Spin Doctors).

How tall are you?
“Tall” is a very relative term, so I choose not to answer this question. But yes, the rain falls on me later than it does on a lot of people. *Yes Fiddi you can laugh your guts out*

If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be?
A painter’s model. *Am damn good at sitting around doing nothing*

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Anywhere:P

If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?
Someone else:P

If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
Do I want to drive them away? If yes, then I’ll cook an “elaborate” meal. If they really are my friends, and I want them to stick around, I’ll order pizza:D

What is your favourite word?
Serendipity. I don’t use it often, but I really like it for some unknown reason!

What makes you cry?
Doing such long and never ending tags;-(

If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
Definitely a sloth!

If you could time travel to the past to correct any mistakes you feel you’ve made, would you?
Nope. What’s the point? Then everything would become perfect. And there’s no fun in perfection is there?

Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
Depends on its contents…

What do you do for fun?
Not do such fuck all tags.

Are you an outdoor or an indoor person?
Depends on what you wanna do. I mean, I can’t be trekking on my sofa, right?

Where do you see yourself in five years?
FIVE YEARS! You’ve gotta be kidding me!

What are you most proud of in your life?
My ass:P

When do you plan on getting married?
When I’m in the mood to commit suicide.

Get the number or give the number?
Give. Unless the guy is super decent or super shy!

Romance or Kinky Sex?
A heady mix of both!

How do you feel?
At the moment: mad…grrrrrr Drozzy for this tag.

What size shoe do you wear?
The one that fits me right.

What is your favorite clothing brand?
Levi’s (for jeans).

Water or 100% Juice?
I would ask for both, with loads of alcohol as well.

T-Mobile, U.S. Cellular, Cingular/AT&T, or Sprint/Nextel?
Can’t be bothered.

Would you rather be hot or cold?
Is the question implying whether I prefer being in a cold or hot place? Cold definitely, with a hot partner and a bottle of scotch.

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
Which sadist thought of this question???

Favorite place to eat?
Place doesn’t matter, it’s the company that’s more important! *How philosophical was that*

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
Definitely not the opera. The others are all good (especially a concert), and obviously depends on who’s performing.

Most Memorable Past?
The time when I could hold my breath and refuse to breathe unless my wish was fulfilled:D

Most embarrassing moment?
I guess the time when I walked out of the trial room of a big store (Shoppers' Stop) with the buttons of my shirt undone...Took me quite a while to figure out why people were so totally checking me out!

If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
Pick? Are we talking about toys here? Wouldn’t it be very heavy? *Sorry for the bad humour*. A Lamborghini for sure.

Your favorite Disney Films?
Anastasia perhaps. And Shrek. And Ice Age. And The Incredibles. And Finding Nemo.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Forgot to ask before I ate it. Yummy!

Do you support Paris?
In what? Doesn’t her lingerie “support” whatever there is to?

Where is Waldo?
Up someone’s sorry ass for all I care!

Favorite element?
Carbon. (That’s what gives us the DIAMONDS baby)

What was your last thought?
“What is my favourite element”

Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape, or other?
Firefox mostly.

Who are you going to vote for in 2008?
In which category? For worst tag of the year I vote this tag.

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
I say both.

Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?
Both are equally bad. How do you compare them?

Are you a cat or a dog person?
I despise cats completely, so the answer is dog, though I would prefer to be a few feet away from them.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
This is like asking “What would you prefer to eat: horse shit or cow shit?” Why the fuck would I want to be either blind or deaf?

Define yourself in 3 words…
I choose the same 3 words: CRAZY!

Do you eat cold cereal at night?
I don’t eat cold cereal. Period.

What is your favorite TV show?
One that has a lot of blood and gore…yeah baby am a psycho:P *what kind of a stupid question is that*

Do you shower every single day?
No way!

Boat or bus?
Boat definitely. A yacht to be precise:-)

What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out?
I ain’t a kid no more, so the chances of him asking me out are completely ruled out. Ow (MJ ishtyle).

What is your favorite food?
Anything that isn’t made of “ghaas phoos”.

Do you read harry potter books?
The question should have been “have you memorized the harry potter series?” And the answer would have been a vehement YES!

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
Jessica Alba’s power (Fantastic Four) of becoming invisible would be really cool!

Have you had a beer in the last week?
I don’t drink beer. Get me tequila!

Vitamin Water or Gatorade?
Huh?

Favorite body part?
Whose? Mine? I think I already answered that:D

Flip flops or sandals?
What’s the purpose? Anything will do, as long as it protects my feet from landing in crap!

What do you do on fridays?
What I don’t do on weekdays. *Another hopelessly dumb question*

Do you like bananas?
Yes I do like to eat them. *And the point was????*

Whew! And that's the end of the tag...
I'm being very very very nice today to everyone in the blog world...so I tag nobody:-)

Hic...

2008-04-02T23:14:00.001-07:00

Another immature attempt at poetry...

Alcohol is bad

Says who?

How much do I care?

Mix it up

Take it neat

It’s divine

Red black or blue

Colours don’t matter

I just wanna get high!

I walk in a “straight line”

I say “I’m OK”

My eyes flutter

I see everything

I hear it all

But am drunk…Cheers!

LOSERS!!

2008-03-25T02:08:00.001-07:00

Tags are in the air or what!! Every 2^nd post of mine is a tag! This one’s another interesting tag. And the tagger was Gunj! She tagged me some time back, and here’s what you need to do: list out 10 things you hate about guys! How tough can that be eh? So here goes…

I hate guys who don’t understand any part of the word NO. I mean there are only so many times you can ask a guy to back off…but “he” still doesn’t get the point!!

It’s very irritating when your man refuses to shave (referring to facial hair here). Agreed he looks rugged and handsome and all that, but what when you wanna lick ice cream off his face? What when your hair gets caught in his bristles? And what when he gives you a prickly kiss??

I detest guys with no balls. I mean they are the kind that will pass comments on a girl when in a big group, but ask them to go up to a girl and strike a conversation and they will shit their pants. Bloody cheapsters.

What is it with guys and defaming girls who refuse to date them? The minute she says “am not interested”, he will go ahead and tell the whole world she’s a whore! And if she goes out with him, he’ll tell everyone she slept with him! How pathetic!!!

The above point leads me to this one: guys seem to think that outgoing, friendly and vivacious gals are obvious flirts; girls who abuse a lot are sluts; women who drink and smoke are easy to take to bed. Why???? I just don’t get the logic!

I hate it when guys stare at a woman’s boobs when talking to her. Some do it discreetly, while some are so fucking shameless that it disgusts me. Women should probably stare at such guys’ crotch while they do so. Wonder if that’ll help or make things worse…

I hate guys who think they can scratch themselves no matter who’s or who’s not around. Pocket billiards is their favourite sport. Gross!!!

I hate guys who equate perspiration (read body odour) with masculinity. A lot of men nowadays take care of personal hygiene, and ensure they smell good, but there are loads that don’t, and being around them literally takes your breath away.

I hate guys who are extra chivalrous. You know the kinds that will insist on dropping you home in spite of the fact that you can go yourself; the kind that won’t even let you pay the bill at a restaurant…Am not sure if you call that chivalry!

Then there is just the opposite kind that thinks guys are superior to gals. I don't think men are even half a notch above women!

There could be loads and loads more, just as there would be loads about girls! So all you girls reading this post do the tag, and all you guys can do it too, except you’ll have to list 10 things you hate about girls! Go on and spew venom!

Happy B'day!!

2008-03-17T04:17:00.001-07:00

Wednesday and Thursday were good coz it was my boyfriend’s birthday on Thursday:-) Gave him a few surprises, which I think he loved…I mean am sure he was stumped, but I dunno how much he liked the stuff…perhaps I should just have done a strip tease or pole dance for him:P

That’s the both of us in the picture…his face covered in a real thick layer of his b’day cake. My very own “chocolate boy”!!! Of course he didn’t appreciate the chocolate on his face as much as I did, and he rubbed his cheek against mine (not very clearly visible in the picture though).

I would like to take this opportunity to say that he tastes better than chocolate:D Love you loads Sidu. Mmmmmuah!

My 7 (not-so) deadly sins

2008-03-14T00:02:00.000-07:00

So I got tagged by Elusive, and here’s the product…

Am as lazy as lazy can be! Maybe worse! Sometimes (read usually) am so lazy, that even though I need to pee, I don’t go to the loo unless my bladder is on the verge of bursting! So do I get the “Sloth of the Year Award”?

Taking a shower is such a pain. I take a shower only if I need to go out (weekdays: office, weekends: party, movie, shopping). If I’m merely gonna laze around at home, then I don’t shower. Pssst I don’t even brush:D Long live breath fresheners!

My toe nails are always painted. This is how it has been since school. Even if am wearing sneakers, my nails have to be painted the prettiest pink or mauve!

I usually don’t coordinate my undies and bras. I just randomly pick something up. As luck might have it, the combination turns out to be pretty good without any effort. Of course I have also been known to wear completely mismatched stuff too:P

I have a tendency to run my fingers through my hair. No matter how good my hair is looking, I will still do that. Dunno why!

I like watching horror films. Even though they scare the shit out of me!!

I hate mustard sauce. YUCK! I will go hungry, but won’t eat anything that has mustard sauce in it.

I tag:

Gonecase, Chacha, Skeety, Freesherry, Geet, Kanan, and Litun.

What do you have to do? Just jot down 7 random things about yourself! That’s it really! And then tag 7 people too!!

PS: Gunj, I was about to tag you, but you’ve already been tagged by Elusive:P

Broken...and healed

2008-03-10T04:47:00.000-07:00

Seems like break ups are in the air or something. In the past few weeks I’ve heard of so many…and all of them remind me of mine. It’s been several months since I broke up, and even though I don’t think of my ex-boyfriend normally, such incidents force me to. And then I don’t know whether I should feel happy that am not with a worthless soul like him anymore, or feel remorse that the relationship ended on such a sour note.

Why does a relationship not last, even when you want it to? Is it because you didn’t try hard enough to save it? Or because the two of you were simply not meant to be? Or because your partner turned out to be an obnoxious pig? Should you stick around when your partner is every bit as pathetic as you know he/she is? How much should you take? When do you tell yourself “THIS IS IT” and walk out? I found the answers to all of these, but I also realized that every relationship and individual warrants a different answer. It’s all subjective, so there can’t be ONE definitive answer.

People say you can’t keep falling in love. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime concept. I disagree!

I’ve gotten out of one rotten relationship and jumped into a beautiful one. I let go of a bastard, and found a gem. Ok, he may not be perfect, but who am I to judge? I’m not exactly the perfect girlfriend either! We fight over the pettiest of issues…“Who’s that new person on Orkut you’re chatting with?” “New post on your blog, and you didn’t tell me”…blah blah!

But living in harmony with all the crap that we give each other is what makes the whole thing so beautiful! Mmmmmuah!

Toss the Feathers...

2008-02-27T22:32:00.000-08:00

Yoooohooooo another tag! Well alright I was tagged ummm ummm ummm…damn it! I can’t even remember when I was tagged! But I remember the tagger…GUNJ! Thanks a ton babe, and so firggin sorry for posting it after forever:-(

This, by the way is a very happy musical tag and the rules are:

1. Put your MP3 player/Media player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
NO more tears (Ozzy Osbourne)

Whatever!

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Fallin high (Safri Duo)

And like how does it describe my PERSONALITY eh??

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Take it easy (Eagles)

Yo baby!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Tera Mera Rishta (Awarapan)

Shit man I don’t feel that emotional!!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Sugar we’re goin down (Fall Out Boy)

Ummm not exactly!!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Aashiq banaya aapne-remix (Aashiq banaya aapne)

Darn!! Why did I have that song on my list!!!!

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Highway to hell (AC-DC)

How rude is that!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Welcome to the jungle (GnR)

LOL I have nothing to say:D

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I’m horny I’m stoned (Doors)

So now the whole world knows!!! *grins sheepishly

WHAT IS 2+2?
Toxicity (System of a Down)

Maaaaaaan I just wanted to know something elementary!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Yeh hai meri kahani-remixed (Strings)

No way!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Time is Ticking Out (cranberries)

What is it with my tag and all the WORLD PEACE stuff!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
All Star (Smashmouth)

Yeah baby am a rockstar:P

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Fast Love (George Michael)

No comments absolutely:D

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Cloud number 9 (Bryan Adams)

You bet!!!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Words (Boyzone)

Awwwwwww

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Lemon Tree (Fool’s garden)

Hehehe sure!

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Complicated heart (MLTR)

I don’t think so!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Smile (Lilly Allen)

Smiling when other people get their ass kicked is awesome isn’t it? Though I would prefer to laugh my guts out at other’s misery! *evil maniacal laughter

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Smells like teen spirit (Nirvana)

Huh?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Dard E Disco (Om Shanti Om)

LOL hilarious!!

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Toss the Feathers (The Corrs)

I did:-)

It was a lot of fun doing it, so whoever reads this post, go ahead and take up the tag! Just let me know whenever you post it:-)

Take me away...

2008-02-12T22:41:00.000-08:00

It’s almost midnight. George Michael’s crooning “Kissing a Fool”. Am wearing an itsy-bitsy something (night wear), my hair’s wet (Ouch! A drop just fell on my shoulder, trickled down my back, tickling me…) and fragrant. I have angry red mosquito-bite-like rashes on my thighs. My freshly washed bras and undies are hanging from a clothes line outside.

I’m waiting for my baby to come home…*sigh

WHY????

2008-02-10T02:15:00.001-08:00

Why does NOW remind me of THEN?
Do I LIKE getting hurt?
Do other people hurt me?
Or do I do it to myself?

I’m rubbing away tears of blood.
Stalling the dreaded agony.
Waiting for something to happen…

My heart’s aching like it did earlier.
My soul’s pained like before.
My very existence seems flimsy.
I feel like a cloud…
Blown away into nothingness.

Why does every dream have to end in a nightmare?

PS: My most pathetic post ever. But had to get that out of my system, though am not sure if it’s making me feel any better.

Clicked!

2008-01-22T06:23:00.000-08:00

It's TAG time..and a double tag in fact!

The picture below is of...does it need an explanation???Hell no! I still can't believe I saw it up close!

And this one was taken a week back in Kerala. Most people don't think it's wow, but I dunno why I love it so much:-)

By the way this tag is about posting a picture that you've shot...which you think is the best you've clicked so far, or is close to your heart for some reason.

Considering that I got tagged by two people (Gonecase and Chacha), I decided to post two pictures:-)

I tag: Litun, Gunj, Rohit, Geet. So go ahead and get clicking!!

A very girlish post!!

2007-12-29T13:13:00.000-08:00

To look beautiful (apart from the natural beauty shit) you need to shell out a lot of dough. Sure, there are cheaper versions too, but the result may not be too good, or even disastrous for that matter. But then again, money doesn’t guarantee good looks either!!

I’ve always had wavy hair. The shorter I wear it, the wavier it looks. Straight hair struck me as boring. Wavy suited me loads too. But one day, on a whim, I got my hair straightened (temporarily). It looked wow! And from that day on I got restless. The devil took over my little brain saying “get a permanent job done”. With the straightening bug in my blood I had no choice but to give in to the temptation. I sold my soul to the devil, bowed down to him, and headed to the salon.

A friend suggested “Spratt”. So I landed there. It’s a unisex place, pretty big and sprawling. Most of the beauticians were Chinky (no offence meant. They are the best in the business). One of them came up to me, and I told her what I wanted done. A conversation ensued; she gave me details about the procedure, and some of its after effects. Convinced that my hair will look awesome at the end of the ordeal I agreed to go ahead.

That’s when the gruelling process started. My hair was subjected to so much torture- several washes, conditioning, tons of chemicals, hot ironing (involves pressing sections of hair between 2 electrically heated rods), blow-drying, and all that jazz. The worst was the stink (practically took my breath away). And to top it all, the ironing!! When a temporary job is done it’s alright. But ironing is done with much more force and fervour for a permanent look. My hair was screaming in pain each time it was tugged at, and there were several such screams, which alas only I could hear.

I sat in that chair as 4-5 people worked on my hair at the same time (trust me you don’t feel special or pampered), growing more and more irritated with every passing second (Sid can vouch for that!).
Finally, after about 4 hours it all came to an end, and there emerged a gorgeous babe! Praising myself at this juncture might not be right, but my hair really did look rather stunning:D

Beauty comes at a price...but it’s not just money that you spend. It’s a mental and physical investment as well. An investment that seems justifiable only if you get compliments: not just from people you know, but appreciative glances/stares from strangers:D A cute guy crashing his car into another just because he was so smitten by your looks...kind of makes your day doesn’t it? LOL!!

Rebirth

2007-12-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

What is love? Friendship, commitment, trust, loyalty…all of it…and more? Have I experienced it? Yes! Did I like it? Loved it! But what did I get in return? A bouquet of fakeness, pain, tears, doubts, anxiety…good moments too, but the negative overshadowed the plus points…
Moral of the story: give yourself completely, but don’t trust someone blindly. ‘Cause when there is light and you see the real picture it hurts so much, you never wanna open your eyes again.

But how long can you shut your eyes? You open them one day. And that’s when you realize there’s more to the world than some moronic loser who was humping other babes behind your back, assuming you’ll never find out! Your friends are around, your family’s there for you, and most importantly, you’re a stronger and much sensible person now. You make new friends, cutting strings with those you don’t want in your life. You relearn how to have fun without alcohol running through your veins; you discover the sheer joy of just lying in someone’s arms…

You understand the importance of emotions, and the fact that they’re really precious to be wasted on just about anybody. You wonder if being “cool” and “dude” like is important, or is being “nice” more essential.

The mind plays games with you like never before, throwing up surprises and puzzles at you so randomly that you have no time to analyze your thoughts and actions. But still, take some time out and ponder. You’ll see how happy, relaxed and comfortable you are just being yourself. No pretence. No lying. No hiding. No fury. No angst…just you and a huge bucket of happiness. Peace!

My first day!

2007-12-07T01:25:00.000-08:00

Clean white sparkling
Dreams in my eyes
Glimmer of hope.

New place, people
No desktop/laptop
Hunger strikes!

Phone in front
Ass on chair
Sitting in a corner.

Hustle bustle
Some noises
Ah! My first day!!

24 year old crazy brainless me!

2007-12-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

I turned 24. 27 Nov '07. I'm old. I mean older. I don't feel older though. It's the same me-I still crack up at the same nonsensical stuff, I'm still scared of the dark, I still take a (really) long time in the shower...then what's different? (I have a new job yes, but that's besides the point). Nothing. It’s just another number. Just another excuse for relatives to talk about my marriage. Just one little change on my Orkut profile...

Then why the fuck am I so freaked out? Why is this transition from 23 to 24 making me feel so totally weird? Even the sound of this number "24" in my head seems harsh and cruel. Why am I so worked up about "just a number"? Beats me!

HAPPY BDAY GIRL:-)

Lotsa Love (or whatever) in the Air!!

2007-11-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

This post can be about anything. There is so much happening in my life right now. I can write about how it is to be staying with my sister. I can blabber the truth about how I found out what a cheating piece of shit my ex boyfriend was. I can express my amazement at the fact that his ex girlfriend still talks to him. I can confess that am in BIG trouble at the moment (financially). I can put down what I think of “Saawariya” in 1000 words...

But no, I won’t. I’m feeling a little sentimental, vulnerable, nostalgic,… If I can write about my fucked up love life, I should also write about my existing happy life! It’s been a couple of months since I broke up, and am dating someone now. Yes! I am:-)

There was a time when I could have done anything for my guy. I was actually considering getting a Brazilian wax for him. But the sissy that I am, I didn’t. I should have. Not for him. Just for myself…And yes, from now on it’s gonna be all about me and my happiness. Hehehe not really. Am not a selfish pig. Arrogant and crazy yes, but not selfish.

People usually give thank you speeches, but I wanna give a sorry speech. I wanna say sorry to the guy whom I didn’t treat right. The one who was with me all the time, but I just shunned his love and walked on. I know he’s gonna read this blog sometime, and even though I said sorry to him quite recently, I still wanna apologize for breaking his heart. Am sorry for being such a bitch beifoof! (I could use the same speech for a lot of people, but am not about to do that. He’s the only one that deserves it).

So here’s something that I put together for the man in my life. For my friend, for my lover:

We’ve crossed paths quite recently
But it feels like I’ve known you forever
You care for me so much, shower me with your love
But do I deserve it?

I love the way you hold me touch me caress me
The look in your eyes turns me on
My nerves tingle with anticipation as you draw me closer
Your lips part, your eyes close…

What do I want from you?
Companionship, lust, friendship, or love?
Can you assure me any of these?
Can you always be there for me?

You’re an important part of my life
For now and forever
But that’s what I think
And I’ve been wrong before…

Somehow this feels right
I can’t name this relationship
Or even call it one for that matter
But I love it!

BITCHES!!

2007-10-25T04:23:00.001-07:00

I used to think women are bitches. I don’t think so any more. I know!!! Case in point: my roomies, or should I call them my ex-roomies already? They were simply not ready to accept the fact that one of them could have nicked my stuff! Kept accusing me of not keeping my things locked up! So if my stuff isn’t locked, you have the right to pick it up eh? Fucking bitches all of them. I dunno whom to doubt now; each is as likely as the other. And one of them has the nerve to tell me that she makes enough money to buy the best brands from the biggest shopping malls! The stupid cunt couldn’t understand that it is exactly this that appalls me! If you have so much dough, why the fuck did you take my clothes? All of us have BIG BUCKS here…then why steal my lip gloss??? They’ve got shit for brains. Whoever has stolen the stuff is a loser, and will pay for it, the bloody whore.

FROM THE HEART...

2007-10-23T01:06:00.000-07:00

Someone commented on a post of mine, saying that I write well *takes a bow*, but perhaps I should try a different style. Then it struck me that maybe I should try my hand at poetry!

This is not my first poem though. I’ve written loads in school, and then later as well. Here’s one stanza from a poem that I had written on a train journey few months back, about an old man who borrowed my copy of the “Cosmopolitan”.

Uncle is old
Loves babes that are bold
To hold-
Become hot from cold
And unfold
What is told
About girls that are bold!

Ahem! That should give you an idea of the kind of poetry I used to indulge in previously. A 10-year old would probably write like that. LOL

Well, that was that. Here’s another attempt. Emotional, sentimental, blah blah, but from the heart…

Am I lonely? Am I weak? Or am I just plain confused?
I loved you. I loved you a lot. Love gave me nothing but pain
Then I hated you. That didn’t give me any peace either
I tried to forget you and move on. But even there I failed.

I hear your voice calling out to me from the dark corners of my mind
I feel your hand brushing against mine as I walk through the corridors of our past
I smell your nicotine-induced breath on my face as I’m lying on my bed
I see you flitting from dreams to reality, getting lost somewhere in the transition.

What did I do wrong? Nothing. Then why does my heart ache?
I’m happy, but still there is a void, that none can fill
I wish more than ever that I wasn’t here
That I was in a different world, far far away.

Bloody thief..May she rot in hell!

2007-10-22T02:06:00.000-07:00

What is it with people and wanting to steal stuff from others huh? This new place am staying at, (I think it’s been about a month now) is fine, but some bitch has stolen my stuff! Yeah, and not like a thing or two, but loads of stuff: clothes, cosmetics, and something as cheap as scrunchies! It’s definitely not the maid, coz she obviously wouldn’t have the time to pick stuff out of my suitcase. And then why would she pick out party wear? Why would she take my silver and green eye liner?? Has to be one of the gals I’m staying with. *Green fumes emitting from nostrils*

One thing that I can’t sort of understand is why they would take my clothes…none of them would be able to fit into my tops or skirt. Have they given them to their slimmer friends or relatives? I’m seething with fury; on the verge of pulling my hair out, no wait why mine??AM GONNA KILL THAT BITCH IF I FIND HER …

There was one top amongst the lot that I’ve never worn, not once! Fuckin new…and given by my pals in Hyderabad:-( And now the whole problem is that I don’t know how many more things are missing. It is only when am looking for a particular skirt that I figure it ain’t there any more. I realized for the first time that it is bad to have too many clothes…so many that you don’t even know when some go missing! I was in such a foul mood, that when I went out last night, I went ahead and did a spot of shopping!

My task for today will be to speak to all 5 flat mates, and with their permission search their belongings. I know am not gonna find anything there, but at least it will give me the satisfaction that I did something. And it goes without saying that am gonna move out of that thief’s den ASAP.

2007-10-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

19 things nobody wants to know

I had nothing extraordinary to post, and since Gonecase had tagged me, I thought I might as well "do the needful" LOL.Here are the answers then...

1.Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it
I have this one on my right leg, a couple of inches above my knee. How did I get it? My evil temper did me in..was darn pissed with my bro about something, and for some reason I was trying hard not to strangle him. But then you gotta vent your anger out on something/someone right?? I had a pencil in my hand just then, so I drove it into my leg..gave me a permanent scar! Psst.. I was probably 10 years old then. I don't harm myself any more. I'm not a psycho:D

2.What does your phone look like?
N72. Fine phone. Looked awesome when it was new. Poor thing has fallen so many times, been sat on, has innumerable scratches; it has been through the thick this one!

3.What is on the walls of your bedroom?
Ah! If my roomie relents there will be a HUGE red Ferrari poster, but right now the walls are bare, bland and immensely boring.

4. What is your current desktop picture?

C&H..mmmmmuah!

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Marriage is marriage. Gay, lesbian whatever. I might not be a homosexual, but who am I to say what other people’s sexual preferences should or shouldn’t be? It’s a free society!

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
World peace! No, actually a different job that will make me feel like am doing something worthwhile with my life, plus will pay like crazy too! (Sorry about the “world peace” thing..but the opportunity was just too good to miss!)

7. What time were you born?
Dunno the exact time, but around 10 am on a Sunday. Is that why I’m such a sloth?

8. Are your parents still together?
Yes.

9. Last person who made you cry?
Someone who didn’t deserve my tears, or anything else from me for that matter.

10. What is your favourite perfume/cologne ?
Echo Woman, Davidoff and Dream Angels, Victoria’s Secret. (I know it was supposed to be one, but I like both!)

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Never really thought about that. Doesn’t matter actually.

12. What are you listening to?
Johnny Gaddar. Awesome sound track!

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
Kinda. Sometimes.

14. Do you like pain killers?
Oh yes! They’ve saved me from suffering excruciating pain after a whole night of dancing!

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Nope!

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Hmmm that’s difficult, but I guess Hyderabadi chicken biryani. Ages since I had good biryani…Bangalore sucks:-(

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?
I guess the same person who made me cry…

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?
Someone who sent me a really dirty forward:D

19. Is someone in love with you?
There was a time when I would have written a vehement “yes”, but now I really dunno what to say…

Rohit, you're tagged!

More Awwwwww...

2007-10-12T03:24:00.000-07:00

Oct 2nd 2007: India lost today. But that’s not the reason why am feeling so perfectly miserable. This empty, lonely feeling has nothing to do with the fact that Yuvraj Singh couldn’t do anything to save India from being demolished; forget the team, he couldn’t even save his own ass! The cause of my shittiness is: am going back to Bangalore:-(

I’ve been here for a year now. But it doesn’t feel like home. Not one bit. I yearn for Hyderabad. A lot. When I reach Hyderabad, I feel “Yipppeeee am home!” When I get to Bangalore I’m like “Great… Am back!” *in the most morose voice ever*.

Why don’t I go back there then? Ah! I don’t want to. I wanna be on my own for sometime. Living away from home teaches you so much. Right from paying your own bills, to ironing your clothes, from nursing a bad hangover to recovering from a sour relationship. Life here is a lot of fun. I’m not exactly answerable to anyone. I can do what I like (well almost). I make enough money to sustain myself *cough cough*, and indulge in a lot of, what other people call frivolous, activities.

My mom doesn’t cry when I leave, but I can tell what she’s feeling when she’s waving to me as the train (with me in it, obviously) leaves the platform. My dad doesn’t have to say he’s gonna miss me when I’m gone; his hug says it all. Fiddi and Radhi don’t need to say “Neha you’re an ass for going away,” but they still do:D

The past 3 ½ days have been more than awesome. I’ve eaten and slept so much that my parents are beginning to think that I don’t indulge in either activity while I’m in Bangalore! I’ve had long chats with mom and dad, about my future, about how I ward off pesky guys hitting on me, about Hyderabad’s chief minister, about my current and ex-roomies blah blah.

I met Munmun this time. She’s lost 11 kgs!! If I lost that much weight people would have to ask, “Neha, are you in the room? I think I can sense your divine presence.” Hehehe.

Met Radhi and Fiddi too. Obviously! They loved the stuff I got them (identical kurtas from “W”), and I completely adore what Radhi got me (again, a kurta from W). I also bought some more stuff from the same place. Girly, pretty and so beautiful!

Fiddi’s birthday is round the corner- 6th October actually (which I found out after I asked Radhi. I knew it was either 5th or 6th). She took the both of us to this swanky place called Zafraan Laguna, where we had a sumptuous lunch and ripped off the poor gal! I think that was the first restaurant I’ve been to that doesn’t serve sweet corn chicken soup! So we had chicken minestrone soup instead, which was really wow! Main course was really neat too, and so was the fresh lime soda (don’t snigger! How many times have you gotten a perfect FLS in a restaurant? It’s usually too salty, or too sweet), but the show-stealer was the home-made chocolate that we were given at the end of the meal. Crispy, crunchy and soooooo chocolatey! I just had to ask for more, and I did:D Missed the saunf (‘saunf’ is ‘aniseed’ for you angrez out there) though…hehehe.

Since am in a foodie mood…ate haleem today. Courtesy: Fiddi’s mom. She’s so completely sweet, and the way she calls out to Fiddi to take my call is stomach-intestine-liver hurtingly funny! (I know Fiddi’s gonna kill me after this, but it was worth the risk!) Mom made awesome aloo-gobi today, plus there was Fiddi’s ghar ka mirchi ka salan. Looking forward to dinner now…parathas with bhindi and salan…Sluuuuurp!

Ooooh I forgot to add one detail. I’m in the train now, and the same noisy kid is here too, albeit not close enough for me to appreciate his screeching prowess. After I had finished writing my previous blog he started screaming all over again. I simply couldn’t take it any more, and had a long argument with his mother. Result: he was silenced, but the next morning nobody woke me up at the station. Luckily it’s the very last stop, so no harm done. A porter woke me up, and a very disoriented and confused me picked up my bags and got off the train, all the time abusing (silently) the discourteous woman who didn’t bother to wake up a poor little hapless babe!

Awwwww......

2007-10-08T01:49:00.000-07:00

Friday, 28th Sep ’07: I’m going home! After 2 months. Maaaaaaan I miss my folks. Everything about home is “missable”. Right from rajma chawal to fighting over the TV’s remote control. From mom’s constant yelling about how messy my room is, to dad’s habit of giving me the bigger portion of an apple. From mom’s anxiousness when I come home late (at the time I didn’t have a cell phone) to my “cricket conversations” with dad.

And of course there’s my bro Ankit alias Anteekh. I didn’t mention him ’cause he aint at home now. He’s in Goa, studying. I miss him loads too. He’s 5 years younger than me, but gets transformed to a much older version the minute I do anything silly (which happens bloody often). I go home once a month. But I don’t get to meet him too much. Last time we met was in July! No matter how old he gets, he’ll be the same kid I used to beat up (“maul” would be a more appropriate term to use I think). We’ve come a long way…from being at loggerheads over everything, to sharing every little detail about our lives (well almost!!).

It takes about 11 hours to get to Hyderabad by train. I left office several hours in advance; coz with Bangalore’s predictably fucked up traffic I didn’t wanna take any chances. Rajat offered to drop me, which was a very sweet thing to do. We took a Volvo to the station, and just as we were about to reach our destination I spotted a KFC on the road! A chicken lover that I am, it was impossible for me to walk away without guzzling down some delectable fried chicken.

Rajat was apprehensive, even though we had a lot of time on our hands. But I’m like that. If I want something I want it. Right then. Right there. Sensing that there was no point in arguing with an adamant Neha, he agreed and we went in. One word for what we ate: DIVINE! After ice creams, if there is one thing that I could kill for, it’s gotta be chicken. Post the chicken-eating-session we had a brownie sundae. It was delicious, but my mom makes it better:D Stomachs full and with a content look on our faces, we left the place and got to the railway station.

My ticket wasn’t confirmed. I was to share my seat with a guy, whose name was printed as “Manoj Ch” (I was wondering what the expansion of “Ch” could be…LOL) on the chart. Even as I’m writing all this, the kid nearby is switching the lights on and off, which is driving me nuts. I have nothing against kids, but it’s really pissing off when they do such stuff and their parents don’t stop them. It might be “cute” when the kid does it at home, but not outside when strangers are exposed to their extremely irritating behaviour. In such situations I realize what my parents might have gone through when I was a kid…coz from what I’ve heard about myself, I was like Satan in the making!

OK now I have a seat for myself. Tucked under a blanket, listening to “Flipsyde” and writing this blog I feel good! I just wish the kid would stop screaming his lungs out. If he doesn’t stop in the next few minutes am gonna slap him real bad…Aaaaaaand he’s back to the on-off game. Grrrrrrrrr! Obnoxious rascal (not meant in the slightest loving way). Kids are a fucking pain in the ass sometimes. I’m gonna adopt a 20-year old some day. (I’ve had this thought in my head since the day I saw what my cousin had to go through during her pregnancy). No giving birth to a crying, pooping, screeching imp. *That comment of mine is definitely bringing me a nomination for “the insensitive pig” award this year. Or perhaps the award goes to me?*

The kid’s silent now. Lull before the storm is it? After gorging on biscuits, chips, fruit juice, a couple of chocolates and some rice, my tummy’s kinda full, though I wouldn’t say no to butter chicken and butter naan…hehehe…*The Punjabi in me wakes up sometimes*.

Time to turn in. Yaaaaaawn! Good Night!

PART II GOOD, BAD and UGLY: My weekend...Plus some more...

2007-09-27T06:16:00.000-07:00

Went clubbing with Ina and Sid on Saturday. Location: Athena, Leela Palace. One of the finest party places. Fantastic music, amazing bar tenders, really neat ambience (Fuga’s got better ambience though), and a great crowd. So we were there, dancing and having fun, when Ina spots my ex-boyfriend (feels weird referring to him as that, but that’s the way it is!) and tells me. I spun around, and yes there he was, with 2 other people: a really good friend (guy) of his and half a date (ahem! For those of you who didn’t get it, I said “half” coz she was so short it seemed like she had left half of herself someplace else!!).

Seeing him dancing with some other gal should have made me jealous, but surprisingly, I wasn’t. In fact I felt smug…considering the fact that I was looking so HOT (am a narcissist, so praising myself is acceptable) and she looked like crap (not denying that she did have a pretty face. Just that she didn’t have “it”). Dunno if I would have felt differently had she been a hot chick…

Then Ina begins checking out this dude dancing pretty close to us. Really fine guy he was. Both of us were crashing into him on purpose, trying to attract his attention. But somehow he was getting irritated. Which is when we noticed that he seemed to be more interested in guys than gals!! Poor Ina was really hoping to hit on him, and he turned out to be a homo:P Such is the irony of life...the guys who hit on you are not too good, and the ones that are, are gay:-(

We danced so much that my feet were aching a bit in the 3-inch heels. Sid dropped us home (after a long drive) and Ina and I stayed up for a couple of hours doing some girl talk, talking about our fucked up love lives, work, home, movies, music, blah blah. She left early the next day. I was sleeping like a dead log, and woke up only in the afternoon. Somehow got up, got ready and went for a movie ("Vacancy,"so gripping sometimes that I dropped popcorn all over myself! Pathetic ending though), then had dinner and got back.

By then everything had turned topsy-turvy. Without getting into the details, all I’m gonna say is that we had a fallout with the house owner, and decided to vacate the flat. I was telling my roomies for a really long time that we should move out of that place. They had absolutely no inclination. So we continued to stay there, in spite of the fact that the owners were such mother fucking creeps. But finally the crap got to them too, and the decision was made.

We were gonna be homeless very soon!

Then last week I had some trouble with my roomies. They’re nice people. Caring and affectionate. But conservative. They wanted me to get home early at night. No staying out after 11!! Now that isn’t possible for me. Weekends I get back really late. Which is not alright with them. My folks have never questioned the way I live, coz am not a kid any more. I’m 23 (almost 24 to be honest) for god’s sake and I’m responsible for my own actions.

Parents can’t be our babysitters forever, can they? Even if they can, they shouldn’t. After a point they should step back and let their kids take charge of their lives. Of course they’re always there for us, but not to tell us what to do when and how. So when my parents are OK with what I do, I don’t understand why my roomies have a problem. And I’m not the kind you can tie down to a post and beat up. So the only solution was that we discontinue as roomies.

They were furiously looking for a place to stay, and I was complacent somehow. I had decided that I will devote the weekend to house hunting. Kaput went my plan, for instead of trying to put a roof on my head, I took off to Coorg!

Yupp that’s what happened. Five of us were gonna drive to Nandi Hills, but instead we decided to go to Coorg. I don’t know how far it is, but it took us around 7 hours to get there (including breaks). The place is beautiful beautiful beautiful. I’m in love with it. It’s sooooooo green and clean! The absence of a traffic jam and oodles of polluted air made me realize what a fucked up city Bangalore is. I’ve always known that this place sucks, but it’s only when you experience something so divine that it hits you like never before.

We went to this one place, Talcauvery (pardon me if I’ve got the spelling wrong), that is supposed to be the origin of the river Cauvery. What a place man! We were walking in the clouds! It wasn’t fog that we were seeing, but clouds. (See the pics) It was raining, and we were cold. But that just made the whole thing ten times more enjoyable…Talcauvery is up on a hill, winding paths, steep roads, the works. The drive was awesome, but on the way back down visibility was almost zero. It was difficult to see beyond a couple of feet… How we drove back in those conditions, added to the fact that one amongst the group was being violently sick, is anybody’s guess!

We went to a coffee plantation. We saw black pepper hanging off trees. Saw greenery all around. Played in a pool of water where elephants take their bath. Ate at a restaurant that had dirty spoons (just one was, which we got exchanged for a cleaner version). Devoured “Hajmola Imli” and “Orbit” like there’s no tomorrow. Saw the Australia-India semi final Twenty-Twenty Cricket World Cup match with vodka and chips. Stuck our heads outside the car’s window as it rained, (while the car was in motion) and felt the needle-like piercing as the rain slashed our faces. Pleasurable torture! Need I say more???

GOOD, BAD and UGLY: My weekend

2007-09-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

Starting point: Horribly fucked up traffic jam on Friday morning. End point: taking a bleeding guy to the hospital on Sunday night.
Under normal circumstances it doesn’t take more than 30 minutes to reach office. But last Friday was like a disaster waiting to happen. It took like almost 3 hours… I could have reached another city in that time! I’ve never felt more frustrated and helpless in my life. My legs felt so cramped that when I finally got off the bus it was as if I had forgotten to walk. It took a few minutes to get some feeling back into my almost senseless legs…I reached office at around 11 am, and even after that I simply couldn’t get myself to work. What a splitting headache!!

Left early as I didn’t wanna get caught in another jam. (Hope my boss doesn’t read this!). A friend (Rajat, whom I love calling PINGU) and I took the bus at 5. It was raining. In fact it had been raining like crazy since Thursday, which is what caused all the commotion in the first place. Bangalore’s infrastructure is worse than pathetic. A little rain and there is a jam! You can only imagine what happens when it’s raining continuously for several hours. So, the both of us got off in the middle of nowhere, only to realize that we were very close to Ina’s (a very good friend of mine. Crazy in a very adorable sort of way) office. She was supposed to come over to my place that night, so I thought I might as well pick her up from there.

I called, she came out and we kept waiting for an auto. What a wait that was…either the auto wallahs refused to go, or were asking for so much that I felt like punching them. Walking wasn’t an option, as Shoppers’ Stop (we were gonna do a spot of shopping there) was a little too far away, the road was flooded, and we weren’t in the mood to wade through all the dirty water. With no other option left, we took a local bus. It was really packed; we got in nevertheless.

Now, the first few seats are reserved for women (just some of the many privileges we enjoy). And as I entered the bus I noticed two guys sitting on one of the seats. I went up to them and asked them to get up. One guy’s friend or whatever, who happened to be a woman, was sitting in the seat right in front along with another lady and her three very irritating kids. She got up and sat in the seat vacated by this person. Really mean I would say, but I let that pass.

The other person sitting there continued to be in the same position. This angered me a bit, and I asked him to move it. He pretended to be stone deaf, and kept looking out of the window. The nerve some people have! I was being rather civil until then, but after a point I just got really mad. My “tiny anger” turned into something bigger, and I tapped him on the shoulder pretty hard, clicked my fingers at him and asked him to get up. The language I used cannot be discussed here. I know I was really rude, but then that jerk deserved it.

So I sat there, and kept passing rude comments on how disgusting I find this attitude. Ina and I were having a ball of a time, saying nasty stuff about men like him. The woman sitting beside me ultimately got so pissed that she got up! Good for us though. Now Ina could sit beside me *smile smile*. And then we started bitching about people around us, without even bothering to keep our volume low…Loved it:D

Finally reached Shoppers’ Stop. Pathetic stuff. Either I didn’t like anything, or the stuff I liked wasn’t available in my size!! No wonder my friends ask me to look in the kids section…I did find one top at the end of all the mad hunting. And it was my size too! I tried it on, and it looked sooooooo smart (tube top, in a wow green). But alas! It turned out to be defective. Just my sodden luck eh? But I was so determined to buy something that the hunt restarted. Finally found some nice jewellery. Bought that, while Ina picked up a nice black top.

We had decided we’ll spend the night at a friend’s place (Siddharth, the very lovable Gonecase). We headed to my place, so I could change into my night clothes. My roomies, Preeti (sweet gal with a HUGE talent for PJs) and Garima (the excessively thinking one) were at home, so we were chatting for a while. Ina, Sid and I were gonna go clubbing the next day. I had bought a really hot outfit for the occasion, which I showed Ina. She wanted me to wear it and show her. I did that.

Now, my roomies are a little conservative, but they’ve never objected to any of my party wear before. I really appreciate the fact that though they don’t wear skimpy clothes, they never even tried to tell me that I shouldn’t. We respect each others’ ideologies, which is very important if you wanna live harmoniously in one house. Or there would be cat fights everyday!

But this Friday was different. They simply hated my dress (short, halter necked dress, in a beautiful blue colour, and a plunging neckline). They thought it was too short. Short it was, but I was OK with it. They tried real hard to convince me that I shouldn’t wear it. But I loved the dress and saw no harm in wearing something as sexy as that. After a lot of arguments they had to accept defeat. I decided I was gonna wear it the next day.

Ina and I headed to Sid’s place. She was supposed to cook chicken for us, but it was past 10 and we were damn hungry. Ordered Chinese food, while we got started on “Saw3” (bloody and gory. Didn’t like it too much. Predicted the end also). Then it was “Scary Movie 2” (Crap. But liked it) and “Scary Movie 3” (Equally bull shitty and equally likable too). Tired and exhausted we crashed at a time when people leave their houses for a morning walk.

P.S: Read the next post to know what happened on Saturday and Sunday!

My chaddi-buddy HEMANT

2007-09-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

We’ve known each other since the days “Moral Science” was a subject in school, from the days we used pencils to write, from the time “Chitrahaar” was the reason we existed…

I remember how he loved watching the news on the television, and his sister (Vasu) and I hated doing that. I mean come on, how can a barely 10 year old find a boring news bulletin so engrossing? So Vasu and I would make sure he doesn’t get to watch it:D Irritating him was so much fun…we would dance in front of the TV, obstructing his view and bugging him endlessly. That exasperated look on his face was priceless! The ensuing fight was worth a billion bucks…Then this one day he was sitting in front of his house, with his hands in the mud. And there were ants crawling up his arms and back down without biting him! He invited me to do the same, but alas! The ants weren’t as kind to me, and I got bitten BAD! Grrrrrr…

We used to spend so much time together. My mom used to drop me off at his place when she had to go somewhere I couldn’t or wouldn’t go. And his mom used to do the same. We’ve eaten together, fought, screamed, beaten up one another…This one time he slapped me just because I ruined a picture that he drew. It was a cat that didn’t even look remotely like one. I crumpled up the paper and threw it. Slap! I was so stunned. I could have slapped him back, but I adopted a very cheap tactic, saying I’ll tell his mom! Emotional blackmailing is the best and deadliest weapon ever created. His begging and pleading was probably worth the slap…lol.

But before we could enter teenage together, he left Hyderabad and took off to Dehradun. We wrote letters (yes, that was the time when people wrote, and not e-mailed), sent cards on each other others’ birthdays…but over a period of time we just got very lazy and stopped writing. Days turned into months, and months into years. Each knew what the other was doing, but never actually had any contact.

Then suddenly, one year back he looked me up on Orkut (love Orkut for this) and scrapped me. That’s how it started. We began mailing, then exchanged numbers, and my god! We would talk and talk and talk…as if making up for all the lost time. All this happened while I was in Hyderabad, doing my Masters’. He was in Chennai, working at Infosys. After my course got done I found a job too. And of all places Infy! I was to join Bangalore, and by then Hemant had been transferred to Bangalore as well. I was ecstatic beyond words. I was gonna meet him after so many years, and even though as kids we used to fight a lot, over the past few months we had become really good friends.

Another glitch. He went home for a few days…so I came to a Hemant-devoid Bangalore. He got back a week after I moved to this place. We decided to meet on campus. I almost had butterflies in my stomach. I hadn’t met him in more than 10 years, and now we were going to. What if I don’t recognize him? What if it gets awkward? What if we don’t know what to say to each other? These and many such questions crossed my mind, and probably his too…

We met at Terminal, (food court on the campus. Looks wow, but the food…ahem!), which is just opposite my building. I got to the food court, looking all around for him. And he appeared out of nowhere! We smiled, grinned, laughed…sat for a while, talking about everything and nothing. It was a little odd yes, but felt nice too. Like a hot shower, like watching “Friends,” like eating chicken momos in the rain, like drinking scotch…

That was day 1. We met everyday for the next one week. Talking like there’s no tomorrow, over lunch, over bhelpuri, over the phone…One glorious week. For he was going off to the US. I met him after forever, only to see him go away once again. As I bid farewell it didn’t feel too bad. It didn’t hit me that the next time I see him will be after about a year. I was smiling as I waved to him…Only later did the truth sink in: Hemant’s gone. And that’s when I realized how much he actually means to me.

He’s in America now. We mail, chat. He calls sometimes, and even though the frequency isn’t too high, it’s awesome talking to him. We spoke last week, after quite some time. And ah! I was all happy, and jumping. We don’t talk about anything serious; our talks range from what we did last weekend, to our current dates, from movies to college and office, from parties to studying…Very breezy conversations.

But this time was different. After we spoke, we mailed each other. And what he said made me feel so good! I could sense how much he cares about me…could almost see his anxiety ooze out of the words he wrote…At such times you realize the power of friendship. He’s far far away, but his words, his voice cast a magic spell on me. I probably don’t say it much, but he’s really precious to me. One of my best friends. Really love you a lot my insomniac sweetheart.

In retrospection

2007-08-31T06:10:00.000-07:00

Does a broken relationship mean THE END? Nope. No way. Life goes on and on and on and on…Maybe a little faster, now that I have so much time for myself. The weekends are so jam packed with activities; every Monday morning I wonder where the last two days went! But in the middle of all the hustle bustle, laughing, giggling, shopping, partying, I stop for a few seconds and think of the past…A song we both loved dancing to makes me realize how much fun it was to dance with him. Speaking to his friend I say “us” like I’m still a part of the gang. Seeing a car that’s similar to the one he’s got sends a jolt of realization down my spine that I’m not his front seat companion any more. When I go to a restaurant, and am deciding what to eat, the menu very rudely reminds me of the stuff he hates eating… Kelly Clarkson’s always been a favourite, and now more than ever I feel her songs are so amazing. Songs like “Never Again” “Behind These Hazel Eyes” seem to be mirroring my thoughts. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” (Fergie) has been added to the “my fave songs” list too!

I miss hearing his groggy voice when I used to call to wake him up in the morning. I miss our drunken stupors. I miss the chocolates he used to get me sometimes. I miss lazing around with him. Deleting his pictures from my phone can’t erase his memories from my mind…I just wonder if he feels the same way for me. Does he miss the way I smell? Does he miss my whining? Does he miss our shopping sprees? Does he miss the way I used to crinkle my nose at the mention of his “friend”? Does he miss the way I keep blabbering? But does it even matter now? Maybe it does. And that’s why I’m writing about it!

Fine, we didn’t work out. I’m not gonna talk to him again. Not in a million years. Not even when he sends me a message to say he’s in some trouble. Am I being hard hearted? No I’m not. After whatever happened it’s only logical that I maintain a stony silence. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m not a saint or angel. I can’t behave like one either; forgive/forget and speak to him is not possible any more. If in a relationship one person doesn’t respect the other, calling him/her only in the hour of need then the whole thing stinks- not of friendship, not of lust, but a rotten kind of love. There’s love here. No denying that. But it’s gone bad. And what do you do with something rotten? Throw it away…

The weekend i had a three some:D

2007-08-28T03:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend was great. 3 days- 3 movies- 3 AWESOME movies. “Transformers,” “Chak De” and “Ratatoville.” I loved the crazy, mindless, very very very very rapid action sequences in Transformers. I mean, it’s so quick that I don’t know when the good guy is getting beaten up, and when he’s crushing the baddies. It was just a lot of colourful metallic stuff! Lowbrow perhaps, but I loved it!

Then there was Chak De. The very fact that Shah Rukh was in it made it lovable:D But really, it was a good film. One of his best for sure. I can’t believe he’s the same person that did crap like “Oh Darling Yeh Hai India” and “Duplicate”!! People in the theatre were clapping every time there was a hard hitting nationalism-filled dialogue. Wish I knew how to whistle like a ruffian…would have contributed rather generously to the ruckus:D

Coming to Ratatoville. Well, it’s an animated movie, and like all others in its genre, it’s completely adorable:-) I feel animated films emote much better than the “real” stuff. Anger, love, hatred, fear, romance, comedy, drama- all of them are portrayed so beautifully. Look at “Anastasia,” Lion King,” “Finding Nemo,” “Mulan,” and now Ratatoville for reference. I could “see” the love in Dimitri’s (I know he’s a cartoon character, but he’s OMG cute) eyes for Anastasia, I laughed like a maniac when Dory (in Finding Nemo) was forgetting stuff and screwing up everything so royally…

But somehow a lot of people I know believe that such films are for kids. Little do they know how bloody difficult it is to create “such” films. You gotta appreciate art in every form…just because you don’t understand “cartoon language” doesn’t mean you can dismiss it as kids stuff. They want me to grow up. I think it’s such idiots who need to GROW UP, and not vice versa. I would much rather live with a cute little rat that can cook for me, than a hunk who doesn’t like animated movies…

Speak up!!

2007-08-24T06:16:00.001-07:00

I used to think we live in a free society; a world where you can voice your views openly. But I realized that it’s not like that. For, if your truth doesn’t go down too well with some one, you’re silenced. “Freedom of speech and expression” is a farce. Being shrewd and manipulative is the need of the hour, honesty takes a beating. “Democracy” is just a fancy flowery word, merely used to adorn books on Political Science.

The whole problem is that if you make your opinion (about someone) known, and the person wants you to shut up, you think “What the hell. Why should I? Let him do whatever he wants. I’m not scared.” But that’s not how it works. Unfortunately. If it was just you, you would have dealt with it. But a lot of other things are at stake too. So, in the end you bow down. It hurts the ego like nothing else, ripping apart the self-esteem, shredding it to slivers, making you feel powerless.

But think about it a little later. Use your logic that was clouded with immense anger. How on earth are you being weak? It’s that other person who’s being stupid. If he/she can’t accept the truth, and fears that his /her image is gonna get tarnished in public, and is being a coward, an escapist, who’s the weaker one? If threatening you makes him/her feel omnipotent, let that person live in a make-believe world. At least you spoke your mind!

Disappeared

2007-08-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

For those of you who've been reading my posts for the past couple of weeks, it must be weird to see that 6 of my previous posts are missing fron the page. I've deleted them. Reason: can't tell. Watch this space though. A lot of stuff's coming up...

My world:-)

2007-08-20T01:58:00.000-07:00

What’s my world? My family, friends, electronic gadgets, my boss, the washerwoman, discos, traffic jams, cute guys, shopping et al? Nope. That’s not my world. Not everything or everyone is a part of my world. I get to choose who stays and who leaves; after all life is about making choices, isn’t it? Right or wrong, doesn’t matter. Just stick by it!

I have lots of friends. Loads. But this blog is not about all of them. It’s about my three angels. I haven’t mentioned anybody’s name in the previous blogs, but I shall do now. Anna, Fiddi, Radhi (alphabetically arranged..lol): my bestest friends. We are all in different parts of the world (geographically), but still it feels like they are right here with me. Probably smirking at what I’ve written, chuckling at my choice of words, wanting me to stop writing and talk to them instead. I’m a “happy” person. I laugh easily. But somehow the way I laugh with these three idiots is so much more enjoyable. We laugh more than we talk! Back in college we took it for granted: all the laughing. Now we realize how precious it was…

I call one of them, and I don’t even have to say I’m upset. They just know it from my voice. They sense my pain. They feel it like it is their own. And when one of them calls me, the same happens. Friendship is beautiful. Friends are worth doing anything for. I could go to any lengths to make sure my buddies are happy. And they would do the same.

Fine we make fun of each other. All the time. Be it my height, Fiddi’s “photo pose,” Radhi’s complexion or Anna’s language, but it’s alright. There is no malice. It’s sweet in fact. I mean, if Fiddi stops commenting on how short I am (am not really short, but it’s just that the other three are TALL. So relatively I’m short), I’ll probably die (extreme emotion I know, but you get the point). The day I stop telling Radhi that it’s embarrassing to go out with her, she’ll probably think my pea-sized brains have been taken over by some alien! We can be sarcastic (read very very sarcastic. And the brat that I am, I’m the undisputed queen of nastiness), but it’s all for fun. Of course when we’re talking about someone outside our group…whew! God bless his/her soul:D

We met in November 2006. After so long. The four of us. Craziness unleashed. Laugh riot…felt “alive” in the real sense of the word. We’ve known each other for six years now. And there’s so much more to come. We might or might not approve of everything the other person is doing, but that’s secondary. We make our opinions known to each other, but there is no imposing. I sometimes wish two of us in the group were guys! We are so good together, it makes sense to be couples. But since we aren’t lesbians, two of us should have been of the opposite sex. There wouldn’t be any love problems then…lol.

I love everything about us. Right from “kya toh bhi” to “yadi ye,” from “just shove it” to “u’re mad or wot”…FRAN is my lifeline. Love you three so much so much so much. Always. Forever. Boyfriends will come and go, but you guys are here to stay. You're my world. Mmmmmmmuah!