Randomness at its best!!

Someone commented on a post of mine, saying that I write well *takes a bow*, but perhaps I should try a different style. Then it struck me that maybe I should try my hand at poetry!

This is not my first poem though. I’ve written loads in school, and then later as well. Here’s one stanza from a poem that I had written on a train journey few months back, about an old man who borrowed my copy of the “Cosmopolitan”.

Uncle is old
Loves babes that are bold
To hold-
Become hot from cold
And unfold
What is told
About girls that are bold!

Ahem! That should give you an idea of the kind of poetry I used to indulge in previously. A 10-year old would probably write like that. LOL

Well, that was that. Here’s another attempt. Emotional, sentimental, blah blah, but from the heart…

Am I lonely? Am I weak? Or am I just plain confused?
I loved you. I loved you a lot. Love gave me nothing but pain
Then I hated you. That didn’t give me any peace either
I tried to forget you and move on. But even there I failed.

I hear your voice calling out to me from the dark corners of my mind
I feel your hand brushing against mine as I walk through the corridors of our past
I smell your nicotine-induced breath on my face as I’m lying on my bed
I see you flitting from dreams to reality, getting lost somewhere in the transition.

What did I do wrong? Nothing. Then why does my heart ache?
I’m happy, but still there is a void, that none can fill
I wish more than ever that I wasn’t here
That I was in a different world, far far away.

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What is it with people and wanting to steal stuff from others huh? This new place am staying at, (I think it’s been about a month now) is fine, but some bitch has stolen my stuff! Yeah, and not like a thing or two, but loads of stuff: clothes, cosmetics, and something as cheap as scrunchies! It’s definitely not the maid, coz she obviously wouldn’t have the time to pick stuff out of my suitcase. And then why would she pick out party wear? Why would she take my silver and green eye liner?? Has to be one of the gals I’m staying with. *Green fumes emitting from nostrils*

One thing that I can’t sort of understand is why they would take my clothes…none of them would be able to fit into my tops or skirt. Have they given them to their slimmer friends or relatives? I’m seething with fury; on the verge of pulling my hair out, no wait why mine??AM GONNA KILL THAT BITCH IF I FIND HER …

There was one top amongst the lot that I’ve never worn, not once! Fuckin new…and given by my pals in Hyderabad:-( And now the whole problem is that I don’t know how many more things are missing. It is only when am looking for a particular skirt that I figure it ain’t there any more. I realized for the first time that it is bad to have too many clothes…so many that you don’t even know when some go missing! I was in such a foul mood, that when I went out last night, I went ahead and did a spot of shopping!

My task for today will be to speak to all 5 flat mates, and with their permission search their belongings. I know am not gonna find anything there, but at least it will give me the satisfaction that I did something. And it goes without saying that am gonna move out of that thief’s den ASAP.

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19 things nobody wants to know

I had nothing extraordinary to post, and since Gonecase had tagged me, I thought I might as well "do the needful" LOL.Here are the answers then...

1.Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it
I have this one on my right leg, a couple of inches above my knee. How did I get it? My evil temper did me in..was darn pissed with my bro about something, and for some reason I was trying hard not to strangle him. But then you gotta vent your anger out on something/someone right?? I had a pencil in my hand just then, so I drove it into my leg..gave me a permanent scar! Psst.. I was probably 10 years old then. I don't harm myself any more. I'm not a psycho:D

2.What does your phone look like?
N72. Fine phone. Looked awesome when it was new. Poor thing has fallen so many times, been sat on, has innumerable scratches; it has been through the thick this one!

3.What is on the walls of your bedroom?
Ah! If my roomie relents there will be a HUGE red Ferrari poster, but right now the walls are bare, bland and immensely boring.

4. What is your current desktop picture?





C&H..mmmmmuah!

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Marriage is marriage. Gay, lesbian whatever. I might not be a homosexual, but who am I to say what other people’s sexual preferences should or shouldn’t be? It’s a free society!

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
World peace! No, actually a different job that will make me feel like am doing something worthwhile with my life, plus will pay like crazy too! (Sorry about the “world peace” thing..but the opportunity was just too good to miss!)

7. What time were you born?
Dunno the exact time, but around 10 am on a Sunday. Is that why I’m such a sloth?

8. Are your parents still together?
Yes.

9. Last person who made you cry?
Someone who didn’t deserve my tears, or anything else from me for that matter.

10. What is your favourite perfume/cologne ?
Echo Woman, Davidoff and Dream Angels, Victoria’s Secret. (I know it was supposed to be one, but I like both!)

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Never really thought about that. Doesn’t matter actually.

12. What are you listening to?
Johnny Gaddar. Awesome sound track!

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
Kinda. Sometimes.

14. Do you like pain killers?
Oh yes! They’ve saved me from suffering excruciating pain after a whole night of dancing!

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Nope!

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Hmmm that’s difficult, but I guess Hyderabadi chicken biryani. Ages since I had good biryani…Bangalore sucks:-(

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?
I guess the same person who made me cry…

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?
Someone who sent me a really dirty forward:D

19. Is someone in love with you?
There was a time when I would have written a vehement “yes”, but now I really dunno what to say…


Rohit, you're tagged!

47 Comments

Oct 2nd 2007: India lost today. But that’s not the reason why am feeling so perfectly miserable. This empty, lonely feeling has nothing to do with the fact that Yuvraj Singh couldn’t do anything to save India from being demolished; forget the team, he couldn’t even save his own ass! The cause of my shittiness is: am going back to Bangalore:-(

I’ve been here for a year now. But it doesn’t feel like home. Not one bit. I yearn for Hyderabad. A lot. When I reach Hyderabad, I feel “Yipppeeee am home!” When I get to Bangalore I’m like “Great… Am back!” *in the most morose voice ever*.

Why don’t I go back there then? Ah! I don’t want to. I wanna be on my own for sometime. Living away from home teaches you so much. Right from paying your own bills, to ironing your clothes, from nursing a bad hangover to recovering from a sour relationship. Life here is a lot of fun. I’m not exactly answerable to anyone. I can do what I like (well almost). I make enough money to sustain myself *cough cough*, and indulge in a lot of, what other people call frivolous, activities.

My mom doesn’t cry when I leave, but I can tell what she’s feeling when she’s waving to me as the train (with me in it, obviously) leaves the platform. My dad doesn’t have to say he’s gonna miss me when I’m gone; his hug says it all. Fiddi and Radhi don’t need to say “Neha you’re an ass for going away,” but they still do:D

The past 3 ½ days have been more than awesome. I’ve eaten and slept so much that my parents are beginning to think that I don’t indulge in either activity while I’m in Bangalore! I’ve had long chats with mom and dad, about my future, about how I ward off pesky guys hitting on me, about Hyderabad’s chief minister, about my current and ex-roomies blah blah.

I met Munmun this time. She’s lost 11 kgs!! If I lost that much weight people would have to ask, “Neha, are you in the room? I think I can sense your divine presence.” Hehehe.

Met Radhi and Fiddi too. Obviously! They loved the stuff I got them (identical kurtas from “W”), and I completely adore what Radhi got me (again, a kurta from W). I also bought some more stuff from the same place. Girly, pretty and so beautiful!

Fiddi’s birthday is round the corner- 6th October actually (which I found out after I asked Radhi. I knew it was either 5th or 6th). She took the both of us to this swanky place called Zafraan Laguna, where we had a sumptuous lunch and ripped off the poor gal! I think that was the first restaurant I’ve been to that doesn’t serve sweet corn chicken soup! So we had chicken minestrone soup instead, which was really wow! Main course was really neat too, and so was the fresh lime soda (don’t snigger! How many times have you gotten a perfect FLS in a restaurant? It’s usually too salty, or too sweet), but the show-stealer was the home-made chocolate that we were given at the end of the meal. Crispy, crunchy and soooooo chocolatey! I just had to ask for more, and I did:D Missed the saunf (‘saunf’ is ‘aniseed’ for you angrez out there) though…hehehe.

Since am in a foodie mood…ate haleem today. Courtesy: Fiddi’s mom. She’s so completely sweet, and the way she calls out to Fiddi to take my call is stomach-intestine-liver hurtingly funny! (I know Fiddi’s gonna kill me after this, but it was worth the risk!) Mom made awesome aloo-gobi today, plus there was Fiddi’s ghar ka mirchi ka salan. Looking forward to dinner now…parathas with bhindi and salan…Sluuuuurp!

Ooooh I forgot to add one detail. I’m in the train now, and the same noisy kid is here too, albeit not close enough for me to appreciate his screeching prowess. After I had finished writing my previous blog he started screaming all over again. I simply couldn’t take it any more, and had a long argument with his mother. Result: he was silenced, but the next morning nobody woke me up at the station. Luckily it’s the very last stop, so no harm done. A porter woke me up, and a very disoriented and confused me picked up my bags and got off the train, all the time abusing (silently) the discourteous woman who didn’t bother to wake up a poor little hapless babe!

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Went clubbing with Ina and Sid on Saturday. Location: Athena, Leela Palace. One of the finest party places. Fantastic music, amazing bar tenders, really neat ambience (Fuga’s got better ambience though), and a great crowd. So we were there, dancing and having fun, when Ina spots my ex-boyfriend (feels weird referring to him as that, but that’s the way it is!) and tells me. I spun around, and yes there he was, with 2 other people: a really good friend (guy) of his and half a date (ahem! For those of you who didn’t get it, I said “half” coz she was so short it seemed like she had left half of herself someplace else!!).

Seeing him dancing with some other gal should have made me jealous, but surprisingly, I wasn’t. In fact I felt smug…considering the fact that I was looking so HOT (am a narcissist, so praising myself is acceptable) and she looked like crap (not denying that she did have a pretty face. Just that she didn’t have “it”). Dunno if I would have felt differently had she been a hot chick…

Then Ina begins checking out this dude dancing pretty close to us. Really fine guy he was. Both of us were crashing into him on purpose, trying to attract his attention. But somehow he was getting irritated. Which is when we noticed that he seemed to be more interested in guys than gals!! Poor Ina was really hoping to hit on him, and he turned out to be a homo:P Such is the irony of life...the guys who hit on you are not too good, and the ones that are, are gay:-(

We danced so much that my feet were aching a bit in the 3-inch heels. Sid dropped us home (after a long drive) and Ina and I stayed up for a couple of hours doing some girl talk, talking about our fucked up love lives, work, home, movies, music, blah blah. She left early the next day. I was sleeping like a dead log, and woke up only in the afternoon. Somehow got up, got ready and went for a movie ("Vacancy,"so gripping sometimes that I dropped popcorn all over myself! Pathetic ending though), then had dinner and got back.

By then everything had turned topsy-turvy. Without getting into the details, all I’m gonna say is that we had a fallout with the house owner, and decided to vacate the flat. I was telling my roomies for a really long time that we should move out of that place. They had absolutely no inclination. So we continued to stay there, in spite of the fact that the owners were such mother fucking creeps. But finally the crap got to them too, and the decision was made.

We were gonna be homeless very soon!

Then last week I had some trouble with my roomies. They’re nice people. Caring and affectionate. But conservative. They wanted me to get home early at night. No staying out after 11!! Now that isn’t possible for me. Weekends I get back really late. Which is not alright with them. My folks have never questioned the way I live, coz am not a kid any more. I’m 23 (almost 24 to be honest) for god’s sake and I’m responsible for my own actions.

Parents can’t be our babysitters forever, can they? Even if they can, they shouldn’t. After a point they should step back and let their kids take charge of their lives. Of course they’re always there for us, but not to tell us what to do when and how. So when my parents are OK with what I do, I don’t understand why my roomies have a problem. And I’m not the kind you can tie down to a post and beat up. So the only solution was that we discontinue as roomies.

They were furiously looking for a place to stay, and I was complacent somehow. I had decided that I will devote the weekend to house hunting. Kaput went my plan, for instead of trying to put a roof on my head, I took off to Coorg!

Yupp that’s what happened. Five of us were gonna drive to Nandi Hills, but instead we decided to go to Coorg. I don’t know how far it is, but it took us around 7 hours to get there (including breaks). The place is beautiful beautiful beautiful. I’m in love with it. It’s sooooooo green and clean! The absence of a traffic jam and oodles of polluted air made me realize what a fucked up city Bangalore is. I’ve always known that this place sucks, but it’s only when you experience something so divine that it hits you like never before.

We went to this one place, Talcauvery (pardon me if I’ve got the spelling wrong), that is supposed to be the origin of the river Cauvery. What a place man! We were walking in the clouds! It wasn’t fog that we were seeing, but clouds. (See the pics) It was raining, and we were cold. But that just made the whole thing ten times more enjoyable…Talcauvery is up on a hill, winding paths, steep roads, the works. The drive was awesome, but on the way back down visibility was almost zero. It was difficult to see beyond a couple of feet… How we drove back in those conditions, added to the fact that one amongst the group was being violently sick, is anybody’s guess!

We went to a coffee plantation. We saw black pepper hanging off trees. Saw greenery all around. Played in a pool of water where elephants take their bath. Ate at a restaurant that had dirty spoons (just one was, which we got exchanged for a cleaner version). Devoured “Hajmola Imli” and “Orbit” like there’s no tomorrow. Saw the Australia-India semi final Twenty-Twenty Cricket World Cup match with vodka and chips. Stuck our heads outside the car’s window as it rained, (while the car was in motion) and felt the needle-like piercing as the rain slashed our faces. Pleasurable torture! Need I say more???

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Starting point: Horribly fucked up traffic jam on Friday morning. End point: taking a bleeding guy to the hospital on Sunday night.
Under normal circumstances it doesn’t take more than 30 minutes to reach office. But last Friday was like a disaster waiting to happen. It took like almost 3 hours… I could have reached another city in that time! I’ve never felt more frustrated and helpless in my life. My legs felt so cramped that when I finally got off the bus it was as if I had forgotten to walk. It took a few minutes to get some feeling back into my almost senseless legs…I reached office at around 11 am, and even after that I simply couldn’t get myself to work. What a splitting headache!!

Left early as I didn’t wanna get caught in another jam. (Hope my boss doesn’t read this!). A friend (Rajat, whom I love calling PINGU) and I took the bus at 5. It was raining. In fact it had been raining like crazy since Thursday, which is what caused all the commotion in the first place. Bangalore’s infrastructure is worse than pathetic. A little rain and there is a jam! You can only imagine what happens when it’s raining continuously for several hours. So, the both of us got off in the middle of nowhere, only to realize that we were very close to Ina’s (a very good friend of mine. Crazy in a very adorable sort of way) office. She was supposed to come over to my place that night, so I thought I might as well pick her up from there.

I called, she came out and we kept waiting for an auto. What a wait that was…either the auto wallahs refused to go, or were asking for so much that I felt like punching them. Walking wasn’t an option, as Shoppers’ Stop (we were gonna do a spot of shopping there) was a little too far away, the road was flooded, and we weren’t in the mood to wade through all the dirty water. With no other option left, we took a local bus. It was really packed; we got in nevertheless.

Now, the first few seats are reserved for women (just some of the many privileges we enjoy). And as I entered the bus I noticed two guys sitting on one of the seats. I went up to them and asked them to get up. One guy’s friend or whatever, who happened to be a woman, was sitting in the seat right in front along with another lady and her three very irritating kids. She got up and sat in the seat vacated by this person. Really mean I would say, but I let that pass.

The other person sitting there continued to be in the same position. This angered me a bit, and I asked him to move it. He pretended to be stone deaf, and kept looking out of the window. The nerve some people have! I was being rather civil until then, but after a point I just got really mad. My “tiny anger” turned into something bigger, and I tapped him on the shoulder pretty hard, clicked my fingers at him and asked him to get up. The language I used cannot be discussed here. I know I was really rude, but then that jerk deserved it.

So I sat there, and kept passing rude comments on how disgusting I find this attitude. Ina and I were having a ball of a time, saying nasty stuff about men like him. The woman sitting beside me ultimately got so pissed that she got up! Good for us though. Now Ina could sit beside me *smile smile*. And then we started bitching about people around us, without even bothering to keep our volume low…Loved it:D

Finally reached Shoppers’ Stop. Pathetic stuff. Either I didn’t like anything, or the stuff I liked wasn’t available in my size!! No wonder my friends ask me to look in the kids section…I did find one top at the end of all the mad hunting. And it was my size too! I tried it on, and it looked sooooooo smart (tube top, in a wow green). But alas! It turned out to be defective. Just my sodden luck eh? But I was so determined to buy something that the hunt restarted. Finally found some nice jewellery. Bought that, while Ina picked up a nice black top.

We had decided we’ll spend the night at a friend’s place (Siddharth, the very lovable Gonecase). We headed to my place, so I could change into my night clothes. My roomies, Preeti (sweet gal with a HUGE talent for PJs) and Garima (the excessively thinking one) were at home, so we were chatting for a while. Ina, Sid and I were gonna go clubbing the next day. I had bought a really hot outfit for the occasion, which I showed Ina. She wanted me to wear it and show her. I did that.

Now, my roomies are a little conservative, but they’ve never objected to any of my party wear before. I really appreciate the fact that though they don’t wear skimpy clothes, they never even tried to tell me that I shouldn’t. We respect each others’ ideologies, which is very important if you wanna live harmoniously in one house. Or there would be cat fights everyday!

But this Friday was different. They simply hated my dress (short, halter necked dress, in a beautiful blue colour, and a plunging neckline). They thought it was too short. Short it was, but I was OK with it. They tried real hard to convince me that I shouldn’t wear it. But I loved the dress and saw no harm in wearing something as sexy as that. After a lot of arguments they had to accept defeat. I decided I was gonna wear it the next day.

Ina and I headed to Sid’s place. She was supposed to cook chicken for us, but it was past 10 and we were damn hungry. Ordered Chinese food, while we got started on “Saw3” (bloody and gory. Didn’t like it too much. Predicted the end also). Then it was “Scary Movie 2” (Crap. But liked it) and “Scary Movie 3” (Equally bull shitty and equally likable too). Tired and exhausted we crashed at a time when people leave their houses for a morning walk.

P.S: Read the next post to know what happened on Saturday and Sunday!

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Does a broken relationship mean THE END? Nope. No way. Life goes on and on and on and on…Maybe a little faster, now that I have so much time for myself. The weekends are so jam packed with activities; every Monday morning I wonder where the last two days went! But in the middle of all the hustle bustle, laughing, giggling, shopping, partying, I stop for a few seconds and think of the past…A song we both loved dancing to makes me realize how much fun it was to dance with him. Speaking to his friend I say “us” like I’m still a part of the gang. Seeing a car that’s similar to the one he’s got sends a jolt of realization down my spine that I’m not his front seat companion any more. When I go to a restaurant, and am deciding what to eat, the menu very rudely reminds me of the stuff he hates eating… Kelly Clarkson’s always been a favourite, and now more than ever I feel her songs are so amazing. Songs like “Never Again” “Behind These Hazel Eyes” seem to be mirroring my thoughts. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” (Fergie) has been added to the “my fave songs” list too!

I miss hearing his groggy voice when I used to call to wake him up in the morning. I miss our drunken stupors. I miss the chocolates he used to get me sometimes. I miss lazing around with him. Deleting his pictures from my phone can’t erase his memories from my mind…I just wonder if he feels the same way for me. Does he miss the way I smell? Does he miss my whining? Does he miss our shopping sprees? Does he miss the way I used to crinkle my nose at the mention of his “friend”? Does he miss the way I keep blabbering? But does it even matter now? Maybe it does. And that’s why I’m writing about it!

Fine, we didn’t work out. I’m not gonna talk to him again. Not in a million years. Not even when he sends me a message to say he’s in some trouble. Am I being hard hearted? No I’m not. After whatever happened it’s only logical that I maintain a stony silence. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m not a saint or angel. I can’t behave like one either; forgive/forget and speak to him is not possible any more. If in a relationship one person doesn’t respect the other, calling him/her only in the hour of need then the whole thing stinks- not of friendship, not of lust, but a rotten kind of love. There’s love here. No denying that. But it’s gone bad. And what do you do with something rotten? Throw it away…

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This weekend was great. 3 days- 3 movies- 3 AWESOME movies. “Transformers,” “Chak De” and “Ratatoville.” I loved the crazy, mindless, very very very very rapid action sequences in Transformers. I mean, it’s so quick that I don’t know when the good guy is getting beaten up, and when he’s crushing the baddies. It was just a lot of colourful metallic stuff! Lowbrow perhaps, but I loved it!

Then there was Chak De. The very fact that Shah Rukh was in it made it lovable:D But really, it was a good film. One of his best for sure. I can’t believe he’s the same person that did crap like “Oh Darling Yeh Hai India” and “Duplicate”!! People in the theatre were clapping every time there was a hard hitting nationalism-filled dialogue. Wish I knew how to whistle like a ruffian…would have contributed rather generously to the ruckus:D

Coming to Ratatoville. Well, it’s an animated movie, and like all others in its genre, it’s completely adorable:-) I feel animated films emote much better than the “real” stuff. Anger, love, hatred, fear, romance, comedy, drama- all of them are portrayed so beautifully. Look at “Anastasia,” Lion King,” “Finding Nemo,” “Mulan,” and now Ratatoville for reference. I could “see” the love in Dimitri’s (I know he’s a cartoon character, but he’s OMG cute) eyes for Anastasia, I laughed like a maniac when Dory (in Finding Nemo) was forgetting stuff and screwing up everything so royally…

But somehow a lot of people I know believe that such films are for kids. Little do they know how bloody difficult it is to create “such” films. You gotta appreciate art in every form…just because you don’t understand “cartoon language” doesn’t mean you can dismiss it as kids stuff. They want me to grow up. I think it’s such idiots who need to GROW UP, and not vice versa. I would much rather live with a cute little rat that can cook for me, than a hunk who doesn’t like animated movies…

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I used to think we live in a free society; a world where you can voice your views openly. But I realized that it’s not like that. For, if your truth doesn’t go down too well with some one, you’re silenced. “Freedom of speech and expression” is a farce. Being shrewd and manipulative is the need of the hour, honesty takes a beating. “Democracy” is just a fancy flowery word, merely used to adorn books on Political Science.

The whole problem is that if you make your opinion (about someone) known, and the person wants you to shut up, you think “What the hell. Why should I? Let him do whatever he wants. I’m not scared.” But that’s not how it works. Unfortunately. If it was just you, you would have dealt with it. But a lot of other things are at stake too. So, in the end you bow down. It hurts the ego like nothing else, ripping apart the self-esteem, shredding it to slivers, making you feel powerless.

But think about it a little later. Use your logic that was clouded with immense anger. How on earth are you being weak? It’s that other person who’s being stupid. If he/she can’t accept the truth, and fears that his /her image is gonna get tarnished in public, and is being a coward, an escapist, who’s the weaker one? If threatening you makes him/her feel omnipotent, let that person live in a make-believe world. At least you spoke your mind!

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For those of you who've been reading my posts for the past couple of weeks, it must be weird to see that 6 of my previous posts are missing fron the page. I've deleted them. Reason: can't tell. Watch this space though. A lot of stuff's coming up...

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