Whaaaaat??
Author: crasiezt
Puff! Pant! I put my bag under the train’s seat and collapsed. Few sips of water down my throat and I’m breathing normally after 5 minutes. That’s when I noticed his ignorable existence. Typical illad (a derogatory term for South Indians). Short, dark. Brick red cargos. Black T-shirt with some unintelligent stuff scribbled like graffiti on a wall where men pee regularly.
He was holding me tenderly, and we were swaying in time to Wonderful Tonight. He pulled me closer. So close that I could count the blackheads on his nose. His hand moved from my waist to my thigh and up my little skirt, giving me goose bumps wherever his hand brushed against my skin. And before I knew it, he lifted me up with ease and took me inside.
We were all over each other with no intentions of letting go. I could just make out the contours of his body in the light coming from the slightly open laptop. There was a mad hunger in his eyes, a hunger for me, matched only by my insatiable desire to straddle him and make him moan all night long. Our clothes lay in a pile on the floor, watching us like mute spectators, taking in the sights, the passion, the love, the sighing, the orgasmic screams…
Have you considered a career in modeling, came one of his many ridiculously stupid and pissing off questions. I was rudely jolted out of my fantastic sex-romp dream with my boyfriend. My happiness was being screwed by that pesky cricket. I mentally cursed him that he would have the most unsuccessful sex life ever. That is if he ever has one…
I’m spreading out the stark white bed-sheet on the seat, stifling a huge yawn. Please talk to me or I’ll die he whimpers. What the Fuck! Then suddenly he was on the floor, on his knees, bawling like an irritating kid, crying his heart out. There was nobody else in the compartment, so I was the only one to hear and watch the pathetic scene.
I was stumped beyond words. I stood there, feeling increasingly weird with each passing second, then stupid, and then really angry. Shut up! What’s your fucking problem? Stop crying like a wuss will you? If your life is so bloody pathetic, jump off the train…
The crying stopped just as abruptly as it had started. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, got up and walked away. I breathed a sigh of relief, finished making the rest of my bed, fluffed up the little pillow as much as possible, drew the curtains and lay down to sleep.
I woke up suddenly. I thought I was falling off a cliff. Rubbing my eyes with a shaking hand I got up and looked around. Nightmare! It was silent, save the noise from the moving train. Not a soul in sight. Not even Mr Annoying. But where was he then? Did he really jump off and die? A chill went down my spine for a fraction of a second. Fat chance! I slept again, pushing thoughts of that idiot out of my head.
Mom welcomed me with a smile that seemed to say so much…how’s my kiddo, you’ve put on weight, I like your t-shirt, you must be sleepy…I lay down on my soft bed, thinking of what I would do in the next few days. The last thing I remember is looking at the wall and smiling at the poster of an F1 car…
When I finally got up, my room was flooded with unpleasant sunlight. I was just about to yell at the maid to draw the curtains, when mom came into the room and announced that she was doing the laundry. I said “ok” and was going to roll back to sleep. “I mean give me the clothes you wore on the train NOW. Get up!” I got up grudgingly and gave her the jeans and t-shirt. As usual she asked me to check the contents of the pockets. I was sure that there would be nothing in them, but since she didn’t seem to be in the best of her moods, I complied. Obviously all the pockets were empty.
Sleepy though I was, I wanted to chew on some gum. I opened my bag to look for one. Amidst all the trash it was a little difficult to find a pack of Orbit. But I did eventually find my beautiful block of heaven. It was wrapped in a bit of paper though. I opened it.”You are a very bad girl. I’m only wanting to talk to you, and you is abusing me. I’m writing book and needing help. I’m acting like loser to see reaction. You is not being pity to me. You is rude. Not listening to me. Only chewing Orbit and is not offering to me also. When I write book, I mention I meet very bad girl on train.”
He was holding me tenderly, and we were swaying in time to Wonderful Tonight. He pulled me closer. So close that I could count the blackheads on his nose. His hand moved from my waist to my thigh and up my little skirt, giving me goose bumps wherever his hand brushed against my skin. And before I knew it, he lifted me up with ease and took me inside.
We were all over each other with no intentions of letting go. I could just make out the contours of his body in the light coming from the slightly open laptop. There was a mad hunger in his eyes, a hunger for me, matched only by my insatiable desire to straddle him and make him moan all night long. Our clothes lay in a pile on the floor, watching us like mute spectators, taking in the sights, the passion, the love, the sighing, the orgasmic screams…
Have you considered a career in modeling, came one of his many ridiculously stupid and pissing off questions. I was rudely jolted out of my fantastic sex-romp dream with my boyfriend. My happiness was being screwed by that pesky cricket. I mentally cursed him that he would have the most unsuccessful sex life ever. That is if he ever has one…
I’m spreading out the stark white bed-sheet on the seat, stifling a huge yawn. Please talk to me or I’ll die he whimpers. What the Fuck! Then suddenly he was on the floor, on his knees, bawling like an irritating kid, crying his heart out. There was nobody else in the compartment, so I was the only one to hear and watch the pathetic scene.
I was stumped beyond words. I stood there, feeling increasingly weird with each passing second, then stupid, and then really angry. Shut up! What’s your fucking problem? Stop crying like a wuss will you? If your life is so bloody pathetic, jump off the train…
The crying stopped just as abruptly as it had started. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, got up and walked away. I breathed a sigh of relief, finished making the rest of my bed, fluffed up the little pillow as much as possible, drew the curtains and lay down to sleep.
I woke up suddenly. I thought I was falling off a cliff. Rubbing my eyes with a shaking hand I got up and looked around. Nightmare! It was silent, save the noise from the moving train. Not a soul in sight. Not even Mr Annoying. But where was he then? Did he really jump off and die? A chill went down my spine for a fraction of a second. Fat chance! I slept again, pushing thoughts of that idiot out of my head.
Mom welcomed me with a smile that seemed to say so much…how’s my kiddo, you’ve put on weight, I like your t-shirt, you must be sleepy…I lay down on my soft bed, thinking of what I would do in the next few days. The last thing I remember is looking at the wall and smiling at the poster of an F1 car…
When I finally got up, my room was flooded with unpleasant sunlight. I was just about to yell at the maid to draw the curtains, when mom came into the room and announced that she was doing the laundry. I said “ok” and was going to roll back to sleep. “I mean give me the clothes you wore on the train NOW. Get up!” I got up grudgingly and gave her the jeans and t-shirt. As usual she asked me to check the contents of the pockets. I was sure that there would be nothing in them, but since she didn’t seem to be in the best of her moods, I complied. Obviously all the pockets were empty.
Sleepy though I was, I wanted to chew on some gum. I opened my bag to look for one. Amidst all the trash it was a little difficult to find a pack of Orbit. But I did eventually find my beautiful block of heaven. It was wrapped in a bit of paper though. I opened it.”You are a very bad girl. I’m only wanting to talk to you, and you is abusing me. I’m writing book and needing help. I’m acting like loser to see reaction. You is not being pity to me. You is rude. Not listening to me. Only chewing Orbit and is not offering to me also. When I write book, I mention I meet very bad girl on train.”
You want a typical opinion or an honest opinion ?? The beginning is good but there are cracks in the flow. The word selection has been marvelous but what happened to the ending, was the fuck up intentional ??
Lovely pic btw, matches the template !!
whcih is teh F1 poster @ ur room?
the tempo is not constant - it kept changing, and yeah, very enterrtaining read. :-D nice stuff.
lol lol lol....reminds me of those orkut buggers!!
sachi bata,...tune unhi se inspire hoke likha hai na???
:P
A bit difficult to understand but interesting concept....I still don't get what actually happened on the Train. :P
hahah.. it is a really interesting piece!! but you lost me a little in the middle...
you have a F1 poster in your room ?? niceeeeee
keep posting :)
lol crazy post..fragmented but tats wot makes it a fun read..and the last para was totally orkuttish :p
nicey nice.
That dreamy sequence musta been in italics or maybe the entire placement of all scenes needed some alignment. It would be more easier to get it.
Btw, you is not a bad girl. You ISS afterall NOT a bad girl. :P
crasiezt and so crazy thoughts!!!
and girlie... with such thoughts u cant be so wat u have written in the end!!!
have fun girlie and dont worry too much abt others!!!
Keep Smiling...
Cheers!!!
Hey Abstract Painter....
"So close that I could count the blackheads on his nose" that’s kindda gross...but funny too...
The flow was surreal...In a weird way it reminded me of Madam Tutli Putli...your pics are always amazing!!
:)hee rotfl.
did ya watch tashan lately?? i think ya is peecked up the choco-locko talkee from there :)
Well, black n red wrapper for ya talkin chocolate? dark n vivid imagination gurl!
ya write really well: ya clothes watching ya scream it out: haaaaaa i bet they turned beet-red!
the glib choco fibs! :)
keep them cumin in!
Came to your blog from Litun's page! Nice one I say!The ending was hilarious. Looked like you were mocking Chetan Bagat's last juvenile attempt at writing :D
i havent understood this orkutish thingie eh....i dont have an orkut acocunt man...tell me pls...
Hahahha!
Painter meets psycho painter. Nice. :P
The flow was pretty interesting, though a little bit confusing what with all those dreams and reveries. It was difficult to judge which was which. :D
The ending was of course unexpected, but kinda much of a disappointer, I mean the build up was pretty ravishing (oops! wrong word) and it kinda left me wanting.
strange post!!
I hadta read this twice. I was so lost the first time. :P
Abrupt is the word!
LOL @ the last part. orbit-bad girl..haha!
@stuff in italics-whoa...you got some spicy imagination, woman. :P
:D
well... so at home sweet home hun.??
did ya really bashed him that hard.. and still he managed to passed ya on that lil message .. he must be a real wuss.... what do u thing he was really a writer o what?? or he was just vindicating his act...
nice post.
Wow! Many moods... The story sways well. I never knew writers find such fantastic chances in Trains. And then ruin it as badly.
Loved the narration...
Gonecase: Of course I want an honest opinion!
What you call cracks are intentional abrupt switches from 1 situation to another:-)
Thanks for the word selection waala compliment and the pic:-)
Ahem! As for the end...to be honest my brain stopped functioning so well that's that:D
Xh: It's a Ferrari:-)
Yeah I know the tempo kept changing. It was done intentionally...am glad you liked it:-)
Gunj: No babe Orkut wasn't my inspiration. The story is a mix of fact and fiction:D
Pranay: I had no idea it was so complicated!! Try reading it again..might help:P
Nefarious: Thanks:-)
Elusive: Thanks babe:-) And yeah you do find such losers on Orkut, but that's not where I got the idea from:D
Sutta: Hahaha...by the way that portion is in italics now:-)
Akshay: Thanks man!
Tutli Putli? What's that? Or rather who's that?
Rant: Nope haven't seen Tashan...so I can say that this was an original piece of work:-)
Thanks babe!!
thankfully u got it wat i was sayin, but i read one more comment sayin mix of fiction and fact???
Cheers!!!
Pooja: Thanks!
Haven't read the latest one yet...so I dunno if my story makes fun of his book!
Welcome to my page girl!
Anvita: You aren't on Orkut? Pretty cool!
People are referring to the guy's behaviour: desparate, not-getting-hints, the way he drafted the letter...You get such useless fuckers on Orkut all the time.
But like I've been telling everyone else, this story has nothing to do with orkut!!
Alok: Hehehe for all the confusion:D Nice name you gave me..PSYCHO PAINTER!!!
I agree the end was a complete let-down. I simply didn't know what to do, so just made a mockery of the guy and left it at that!
Am glad you liked it though:-)
Friendly: Strange how?
Busy: Hahaha you were lost too? Almost everyon'e saying it..dunno if it's good or not!
Yeah it is abrupt...wanted it that way!
You found the end funny? Flattered:D
Spicy imagination? Thanks babe:D
Big Omi: You thought that was real? LOL..That was semi-fiction you just read mister:P
Kulpreet: Your comment confuses me! Are you trying to say that I screwed the story or something else? Enlighten me please!!
And thanks:-)
Ankur: Actually what happened is that I met this guy on the train back home. Super irritating and pissing off...so I made a story out of the situation and added some masala to it:D
In the first draft of the story I killed him in the end:D
hehe... now the real emotions coming out... ;)
loved d story actually but always felt that u holding something back :)
good work done, and didnt ya kill him in the train itself :D :D
hehe
Cheers!!
Aye... u wrote it so nicely that i thot its true... onli to read your comments, i got it tht it was fictional..
good wordplay.
Ankur: Thanks!
LOL no man am not a murderer yet:P
Omi: Thanks man!
U r welcome :)
btw did i say anything abt choppin his head offf :P :P
killin implies this only kya ;) ;)
then dont ever killl me ;)
hehehe
Cheers!!!
Ferrari? Great :-D and whoz teh driver?
Then honest it is :)
Still don't agree with intentional switches, maybe my redundant mind fails to understand !!
I think now i know why u call urself crasiezt. I liked it. I saw a few comments where they say its non consistant, i think its not, its various thoughts rolled along.. Hmm.. i liked it!
do you write blogs while sleeping toooooooo? first timer here and i loved this one.. haha.. went on saying not again everytime i came across the trouble maker in the train
the post was slightly confusing for me..I wasn't sure if it was a dream or if some weird guy tried to attach you.
I think I need to go back and read it again.
Checking in after a looooooong while
Lady you are awesome!
Oh I miss Bangalore!
heyaa
eheheh
nice one gal!!!
yaah so true some ppl really dont get the hint :P
cheers
Ankur: Yeah yeah I know what you mean...actually in the previous version he commits suicide..then I thought I should make a murder mystery...then I thought maybe I'll turn out to be the murderer coz the guy was pissing me off..LOL
Xh: No idea man..gaadi ka poster hai, driver ka nahi:P
Gonecase: Peace man:D
Smokin Joe: Thanks dude! Appreciate it:-)
Chriz: Didn't quite understand what you said, but thanks for dropping by:-)
Taire: LOL hope you managed to read it again babe...Made sense the second time, didn't it?
Cane: Thanks man! And welcome back:-)
But what's Bangalore got to do with my story??
Aditi: Hehehe thanks girl:D
Piece to tu hai hi, hehehe.....oops, was it peace :P
one thing i can say is..its all fact.. ek do lines fiction hongi but rest non-fiction hai baby... :-)
okay on the story... the story started really well.. in the middle it was kinda documentary movie.. and ending was ajeeb :-). per i agree with goneyy.. you really put up the words so well... so over all .. i liked it :)
aap likhna band na karen ..mwaahh
nice one......lol
and yes u shud offer chewgums......
Gonecase: That was a compliment? Taken! *huge grin on face*
Geet: Main likhna kyon band karoongi bey ghonchu? And honestly it was mostly fiction!
Tujhe pasand aayi kahani:-) Am khush!
Nirmal: Thanks!
That was mostly fiction man:D
Piece kayi tarah ke hote hain....tota piece, kancha piece, thayen piece, mental piece :P
i object your honor !!!and it is sustained too.. abey sab facts likhe hain tune.. added with some connective lines..
likha to tu band hi ni karegi.. i was saying..this kinda writing chammak challo !!!
@craziest
hey babes, na i aint on orkut man...am actaully glad am not now hehehe
Gonecase: Definition ni maangi thi saale:P Tu bata which category applies in my case? *bites nails in anticipation*
Geet: Abbey I understood that you were referring to this style of writing...isliye I said I won't stop:D
It's a mix of fact and ficton babe...mostly fiction:D
Anvita: But but but my story has nothing to do with orkut...the only inspiration for my story was myself:D
Ab ye to galat baat hai, aise seedha seedha thodi bata dunga !
To kaise batayega? Tede tareeke mein hi bata de saale:D
this is wonderful crazy! (i dont remember your spelling)... i don't see any breaks in the flow... THATS the flow!!! :)... and its engaging... honestly, much better quality stuff than what i had expected from you after the little *CALL ME A PAINTER DAMN YOU!* post! :)
good one... blogrolling u
Crimson: Thanks for the honour man! Blogrolled you too:-)
That was just some crap I had written...this is the real me:D
Keep visiting and saying nice things about me:D
A lil'bit of everything ;)
Ok ok....last wala thoda zyada :P
Gonecase: I knew you would say that!!!
It's a pleasure to be called that by the way...the other kind of "pieces" you'll find everywhere..but my kind is rare:D
ahem ahem !!! :)...raunchy take on imaginative orgasm :D...wud hav liked it to b a bit more on d wild side though !!! :P...nywaz nice post...loved d twists in tempo !! :)
I thought my blog topped the list of "Worst Blogs ever" (I still think it does) but I am having an after thought opinion after this post. Have been in the background visiting your blog and found quite a number of articles entertaining but not this one. The Flow's broken and not in a candid way unless of course it was meant to be.
c'mon, failed bloggers like me who seek to blog like you do (honestly, you've got some pretty neat posts) need more inspiration and this post doesn't cut it
Sam: You liked it? Thanks man...I wanted it to be subtle..might try my hand at porn later on:P
Mishra: Too bad you didn't like this post, coz I had a lotta fun writing the story!
Perhaps the posts after this might interest you.